I'm Feeling Bitchy Today!

I'M feeling very bitchy today...

It is so damn stereotypical for people to assume that if a woman is looking hot it must be because her 'man' has done something right.
Either he's treating her right …
Or he's banging that pussy daily…
Aki, I feel like swinging my chair. Hard.  In someone's face.
And hearing a crunch.
Because we women do get offended at those half-baked sentences handed out when we're looking good, or have bought a car, a plot, a house, or have achieved a tremendous goal, or just simply come to work on Monday looking fresh, fab-u-lishous and oh-so-fine, and the sentence that's spewed out is a venom coated back-handed statement masquerading as a compliment.

Oh I like your new look..

..............grab chair....

Hmm.... so, he's treating you right huh? You're looking really good!

.............gathering momentum when swinging chair.....

Oh he got you a new car? Aki your dude loves you...

............. gathered enough momentum to hurl chair....

wow, honey, you surely got some this weekend, you look so darn good..

......................hurl chair and hear satisfying crunch to head

walk away with a swagger.

Ladies, who can feeeel me?

[it’s sad that the italicized only happens in my head..but did you know the brain can’t tell the difference between what’s real and imagined? Yes, that’s why a good read can make your heart go thump thump, or a horror story keep you up at night.. so, if I swing a chair at some idiot and hear a satisfying crunch, I’ll walk away with a smile when they insult me.hehehehee… moving on]

So, tell me why I can't [yes, you... I'm pointing at you and gyrating my neck..] - so tell me why, as a gorgeous woman, why I can't - look after myself, take myself on a vacation, tour Kenya's finest lodges, buy a car or Speed-Bike AND look amazingly good -  and be SINGLE?

Why does my 'looking good' or 'doing anything positive' have to come attached with the label of MAN, or.. SHE GOT SOME?

Boys n gals, the days of the SINGLE older woman looking like a depressed, miserable wrinkled belly-touching boobs, badly dressed foul smelling, hair falling, tooth spitting hag are OVER. 

From: Sea Hag by Bryan Baugh

as in…..
OVER..

… it's such an old old-school mentality, in fact, it's in the era of Conan the Barbarian, so don’t subscribe to that RSS newsfeed. Male and female, just stop tagging yourself and your friends or posting about it. And it's not just the J Lo's and those plasticasized-surgery American stars, [not hating, just saying] who look good nowadays, it's homegrown, plastic-less, good-old GMO-LESS Kenyan Women over 45, can I hear a Woooooooo!!??

[Blame it on the water we drank back in the early 60's.]

I'm not a feminist and I don't endorse to a no-man/men are dogs society belief. I'm just a crazy woman who's always spoken her mind , and said it as it is. And one thing I'd like men and women alike to stop is this short-sighted-ness of thinking that a women will die and wither and disintegrate without a man in her life- excuse me!

Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaa.... you kno?

Feelin' Bitchy by Millie Jackson Album Art

Or that if we’re looking good now it's an invite for hyenas to come sniffing around. Dude, I look good, I'm NOT DEAD MEAT. OR WOUNDED, so stop sniffing!

eff off!

Ladies appreciate an honest compliment where and when one is due. Yes, there are Men out there who look good, know how to cook, can absolutely look after themselves, all  without a WO.

Same goes for women.  We can "Wo!"
... without the man.

Girls, where are you? Do you gots my back?

 

A word..

Single women? Yes, there's loneliness. There's also a beautiful sense of accomplishment, of achievement, of self-pride, of walking like Jane-Walker, Laura Croft-Tomb Raider efficiencyness, of  alone.ness, me-time, and loving my own company, completely wallowing in a hot steamy tub of sweet-scented self love. It's pure magic. It's also rejuvenating, taking the time and care to  lovingly soothe and nourish our souls, our bodies, our hearts.

Being SINGLE is: not being distracted by some MANs issues and history.

This statement ALSO applies to MEN. Being single is not being distracted by some WOman’s issues. Being single is learning to love your SINGLE , or ONE self, IN SHORT, being single is a fantastic opportunity to learn how to love ONE self.

I'm not a man hater. I love guys. But.. dude, you don't have to be there ALL THE TIME in order for me to be great and gorgeous... I mean, yes, it's good to have someone to be concerned about, to feed someone, love another - so as to not be selfish?
Go buy a dog.

Why the single woman? There's a thousand million reasons, each unique to the individual woman, but the thing is this - we all go through our singleness for a SEASON, whether the season is a month, a year or 10 years. And it would behove the rest of you to understand that, as contentious as it may be.

And Wives, stop being shaky jealous, mindless slugs in front of beautiful and gorgeous single women... aki. we don't want your men...

[And those single women who do KNOWINGLY go for married men are detested by the rest of us, they simply mess our reputations.... but that's another story for another day]

Meanwhile, point is...

As Wo!'s we are often exceptionally and superbly capable when the situation warrants, at other times we're just plain lazy or simply not bothered, hence we look for a dude to do the job. But, when a single woman does DO good for herself by herself, AND looks good for herself BY herself, then give her a wholehearted genuine-stamped compliment and don't go looking for a man behind or beside her!

Accept the 2014 million dollar fact. 

Single women don't always need a hand from a man...

AND…

WEAK men are the only ones intimidated by Strong Women.

FACT.

So if there’s a man buzzing about like a fly on dead meat whenever you achieve any form of brilliance greatness – smash that thing and sashay off. Really.

Girls, it doesn’t matter how YOUNG or OLD you are, you can achieve greatness just by being female. Look at the Nobel Prize Winner this year, the young girl called Malala, or look at Wangari Mathai  - you are GREAT, you are exemplary just as you are - as a woman both of these being examples of both YOUNG and OLD and non-Caucasian, and I’m sure you have some heroines in YOUR book. Go ahead, it’s not too late to BE.

DO:

Get up and feel awesome because you’re beautiful

Buy make-up and experiment with colour, shades and tones

Buy clothes that suit your body, in colour, texture and flow. Buy silk that will silky caresses your skin, soothing and pampering it, buy airy cottons that cool you down when it’s hot and cosset you when it’s cold

Walk with a swag – if you need heels, wear them! But you can swagger in low-heeled boots, sandals and sneaks too!

Exercise daily

Eat what’s right for YOU

Be intelligent and don’t hide it. Skiza, the worms will be revealed faster – worms being those who cannot cope with your intelligence. And when the worms show up – well – we’re intelligent, deal with those worms as necessary!

Be yourself on every level – Spiritual, Soul and Brainiac. Hmm? Ever thought of that?

God made you uniquely you and knows YOU – whoever your GOD is, be proud of who God made you to be and be proud of where he placed you! God made me a woman in Africa, and by GOD, I’m so effing proud to be a black African woman IN AFRICA – I’m not going to try and get away and be ‘American’ or ‘European’, that’s NOT WHO I AM.

By the way, I did - at first in my youth, oh how I hated aspects of myself! So I tried to run from myself - and didn’t that NOT work or what?!

– it doesn’t matter where you go or how far you move away from [insert ‘it’ here], you’re still you. So get away from shitty situations that don’t give you peace, yes, and get away from toxic situations, yes, but always remember that wherever you go, you’re still you. So love you. Love yourself first.

Count your blessings, every single hour. It makes a terrific difference in life. I know, I’ve practiced it in the last 11 months and the benefits are amazing! Let me tell you, there’s nothing so hot as silencing an entire room just by walking in, hahahahahahaha…. YES, I’m being bitchy, but really, counting your blessings shows up not only Spiritually and souly, but also PHYSICALLY.

It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, the above principals work for us all. Get a goal for tomorrow and stick to it. That’s it. Don’t do 6 month goals, boring, you’ll fail. Just get ONE for TODAY. Basi. Then in the evening think of a goal for the next day. ONE. Really. Why bog yourself down and tire yourself by aiming for 365 things for one day? You’re NOT SUPERWOMAN, don’t listen to what the song says, and nobody should tell you otherwise. YOU are you, so get one goal. If it’s to be EASY the whole day, then BE EASY whatever comes your way. If it’s to be HAPPY, then smile all day and be happy and look for the laugh in all you do, the whole day, whatever comes your way. It may sound incredibly hard, but it’s easy like fuck. Seriously….. hahahahahaaaa….

So, be a Bitch today. And tomorrow, and the day after that.....

 

Nyakio J. Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© 2014

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