New
Year’s resolutions are about as bad a promise to self as has ever been
invented.
I think.
No, really… you make a promise to self based on …. What exactly? Emotions or hype or the
whole brewery of alcohol in your bod after a season of non-stop henging, hangeez
and travelling, relaz (some horrid) and
friends too numerous to count, meat eating, actually
- over-eating, ENO, over-spending, blowing budgets…. and overabundance in
general…..and ….. don’t look at your screen like that…. Yes, it’s true!!!
Or is
your NYR based on total sobriety? Ok, maybe it may hold.
Or maybe
not.
My
status on FB via Twitter: My #New Year’s Resolution is Not to Make a Resolution...
I got 1
like.
(sniff,
sniff!)
(thanks Tenderman!)
But I am
seriously fed up of dreams that end up deader than the extinct dodo after a few
weeks or months. And having to repeat the same silly NYR at the beginning of
the following year. Plus, if that’s not sad enough – that is, me brooding over
my own fallen dreams - I have to listen to the collapsed dreams of half a dozen
of my friends and colleagues and anyone else who shares with me. Is it just me
or do you get some of that fallout too? People coming up to you and sharing a
collapsed venture or business idea that blew out the bulb, couldn’t hack that
voltage, or a love lost (so go write a Country song! Aiyee!) or a lack of school fees or irate landlord demanding rent
which isn’t there (…write a rap song??) or some such lost hope story until..??
you know, you wonder, what? Is this Life?
And
don’t dare someone tell you (or me!!) that ancient stupid adage about ‘aiming
for the Sun so if you fail and get to the Moon it’s okay, at least you’re out of Earths
Orbit’
Or,
Set your
heights a little lower-
-
-
- (is this low enough?)
- How low can you go?
Or,
Your expectations
are too grand!
Or
…. The
worst….
Be Real.
‘Nyakio’,
a well-meaning friend at Uni once
told me years ago when I was 21, of my ‘dreams’, ‘that’s all very well said and
done, but how are you going to finance
it? You have to LIVE you know. Kill those thoughts!’
I learnt
then what Jesus meant when He said, ‘Don’t let your right hand know what your
left hand is doing…’ because wah, girl killed my dream right there! Well.. she
didn’t actually, but I was seriously wounded and bruised.
Is it that bruise that made me be extra
diligent and throw my ‘kio’ (my name means hardworking…) into my life in an
attempt to prove that I could achieve what I set out to do, because I did, dangling my
victorious efforts in front of her in a childish show of ‘nya nya na boo boo! I did it! I did it!?
Or did
my dreams come true because they were MY dreams? … because I didn’t abandon them in a ditch like
unwanted un-necessary trash despite what my Uni girlfriend said?
What is
it that makes your dreams come true? No seriously? Is it planning and strategy?
Dreaming and Thinking? Faith in God, in yourself, in your mission? Prayers?
Work? Lady Luck and that Fickle dude, Fate?
Or all
of the above?
Whichever….
But please,
like a vampire fleeing from the Sun and Garlic (now you see him now you don’t,
whoosh!) or like a pikipiki
weaving and wizzing in and out of
traffic on Uhuru Highway to get You to the Airport in time, stay clear of The
Dream Killer. The Dream Killer is like putting salt on a slug.
eeesshhhh!!!! Yuk!!
and yah....
Do you
drive? Ever had an accident? Nothing is worse than sitting in the drivers seat
and looking at your rear-view mirror and seeing the mess of a pile-up you’ve
caused behind you, mangled wrecks and broken limbs, destroyed lives and lost hopes…
That’s
what The Dream Killer does. Kills your dreams. Dead.
If
you’re female, the Dream killer is a gorgeous hunk in whatever form of dress or
undress you want him to be in. If you’re male, then the Dream Killer is ….
Duh! A
hot She!
Seductive,
intent, ruthless, The Dream Killer slides, worm, slithers into your thoughts, poisoning them,
robbing you of hope, faith, ability in self, all the while colouring your life with a
glossy sheen of ‘I’m okay, I should be grateful for what I have’, even if
you’re working a mundane-boring-low paid j-o-b, or living in a pile of filth in the middle
of a slum. Lethargy, broken promises and procrastination litter the rooms of
your life like trash on the floor. Ineptitude, a certain horrid care-lessness
and lack lustre look at life through dirty spotted spectacles. Or scratched shades, depending on what you place
infront of your eyes…
Or maybe
depression and a heavy-cement load of low-self esteem on your back and pushing your shoulders down that just won’t go so where is my bottle of alcohol please
Waiter!
Sometimes
I look around and give up, Me
talking to Myself, ‘what’s the point anyway of trying to make this
better anyway, I can’t do it alone, it’s hopeless!’ That is seriously seductive thinking from The
Dream Killer.
Hang
on….! Let’s go back a bit….
Seductive from the word: seduce |siˈd(y)o͞os|verb [ with obj. ]attract (someone) to a belief or into a course of action that is inadvisable or foolhardy:
Your spiteful friend, or absent father, or shrew of
a wife, or horrid hubby, or jealous boss, whoever! It could be your gardener or
housegirl - but, it’s someone who shoots
down each of your shared dreams like a hyperactive kid playing Call-Of-Duty on
his dad’s latest iMac - 27” display – with surround speakers…. Coz it happens,
you know?? A word casually dropped, here, or there,
and
((((((((((((((BOOOooooommmmmmmmbbbbBBBBB)))))))))))
That’s
the Dream Killer. Works on you so bad that you forget to pursue your dream.
And next
year, Jan 1st 2014, guess
what??
New Year’s Resolution.
Your rear
view mirror? A broken past, which occurred while you’ve been sleeping with the
enemy, carvoting and dancing to his tune, eating horrendous meals with and
listening to The Dream Killer.
Maybe
what you and I should do is make our NYR’s now.
Now that we’re not in a state of Euphoria or
heady giddy excitement or drunk or hungover or for those lucky ones who were
sexually sated..Psst! The Honeymoon is over, children are back in school, fees
paid, banks stripped bare, we’ve done 3 weeks in, 2 Sundays of Church, back-to-the-grind
at work, barren fridgid fridges, nadanadanada……
Now
maybe we can make an appropriate and sober NYR.
CONTRACT WITH ME, MYSELF AND I.
This
year, I _______________________________________ (your name)
Will
avoid, at any cost,
The
Dream Killer and His/Her antics, seductiveness, charms, or any other nonsense
He/She will send my way or try to convince me otherwise.
Instead,
I will
pick my Dreams up, wash them, care for them, nurture them, I will feed my Dreams
with nutritious meals, watch them grow, let them sleep when necessary, laugh, smile,
dance and have joy in my dreams. I will never let go of or discard my Dreams.
When my
Dreams fall, I will pick them up, dust them off and nudge them gently towards
the race.
I will
focus, believe in myself, hope in all things good, have faith, pray, work really
hard, smile some more, laugh often, give hugs freely, all for my Dreams, because, whatever they are, they are Mine and I believe I will get there!
Signed,
(Your
signature)
© NYAKIO
MUNYINYI-OKALLO JANUARY 2013
