The Dream Killer

New Year’s resolutions are about as bad a promise to self as has ever been invented.

I think.

No, really… you make a promise to self based on …. What exactly? Emotions or hype or the whole brewery of alcohol in your bod after a season of non-stop henging, hangeez and travelling, relaz (some horrid) and friends too numerous to count, meat eating, actually - over-eating, ENO, over-spending, blowing budgets…. and overabundance in general…..and ….. don’t look at your screen like that…. Yes, it’s true!!!

Or is your NYR based on total sobriety? Ok, maybe it may hold.

Or maybe not.

My status on FB via Twitter: My #New Year’s Resolution is Not to Make a Resolution...

I got 1 like.

(sniff, sniff!)

(thanks Tenderman!)

But I am seriously fed up of dreams that end up deader than the extinct dodo after a few weeks or months. And having to repeat the same silly NYR at the beginning of the following year. Plus, if that’s not sad enough – that is, me brooding over my own fallen dreams - I have to listen to the collapsed dreams of half a dozen of my friends and colleagues and anyone else who shares with me. Is it just me or do you get some of that fallout too? People coming up to you and sharing a collapsed venture or business idea that blew out the bulb, couldn’t hack that voltage, or a love lost (so go write a Country song! Aiyee!) or a lack of school fees or irate landlord demanding rent which isn’t there (…write a rap song??) or some such lost hope story until..?? you know, you wonder, what? Is this Life?

And don’t dare someone tell you (or me!!) that ancient stupid adage about ‘aiming for the Sun so if you fail and get to the Moon it’s okay, at least you’re out of Earths Orbit’

Or,

Set your heights a little lower-

                                                             -         

                                                                - 

                                                                  - (is this low enough?)

                                                                                     -  How low can you go?

Or,

Your expectations are too grand!

Or

…. The worst….

Be Real.

‘Nyakio’, a well-meaning friend at Uni once told me years ago when I was 21, of my ‘dreams’, ‘that’s all very well said and done, but how are you going to finance it? You have to LIVE you know. Kill those thoughts!’

I learnt then what Jesus meant when He said, ‘Don’t let your right hand know what your left hand is doing…’ because wah, girl killed my dream right there! Well.. she didn’t actually, but I was seriously wounded and bruised.

Is it that bruise that made me be extra diligent and throw my ‘kio’ (my name means hardworking…) into my life in an attempt to prove that I could achieve what I set out to do, because I did, dangling my victorious efforts in front of her in a childish show of  ‘nya nya na boo boo! I did it! I did it!?

Or did my dreams come true because they were MY dreams?  … because I didn’t abandon them in a ditch like unwanted un-necessary trash despite what my Uni girlfriend said?

What is it that makes your dreams come true? No seriously? Is it planning and strategy? Dreaming and Thinking? Faith in God, in yourself, in your mission? Prayers? Work? Lady Luck and that Fickle dude, Fate?

Or all of the above?

Whichever….

But please, like a vampire fleeing from the Sun and Garlic (now you see him now you don’t, whoosh!) or like a pikipiki weaving  and wizzing in and out of traffic on Uhuru Highway to get You to the Airport in time, stay clear of The Dream Killer. The Dream Killer is like putting salt on a slug.

eeesshhhh!!!! Yuk!!

and yah....

Do you drive? Ever had an accident? Nothing is worse than sitting in the drivers seat and looking at your rear-view mirror and seeing the mess of a pile-up you’ve caused behind you, mangled wrecks and broken limbs, destroyed lives and lost hopes…

That’s what The Dream Killer does. Kills your dreams. Dead.

If you’re female, the Dream killer is a gorgeous hunk in whatever form of dress or undress you want him to be in. If you’re male, then the Dream Killer is ….

Duh! A hot She!

Seductive, intent, ruthless, The Dream Killer slides, worm, slithers into your thoughts, poisoning them, robbing you of hope, faith, ability in self, all the while colouring your life with a glossy sheen of ‘I’m okay, I should be grateful for what I have’, even if you’re working a mundane-boring-low paid j-o-b, or living in a pile of filth in the middle of a slum. Lethargy, broken promises and procrastination litter the rooms of your life like trash on the floor. Ineptitude, a certain horrid care-lessness and lack lustre look at life through dirty spotted spectacles. Or scratched shades, depending on what you place infront of your eyes…

Or maybe depression and a heavy-cement load of low-self esteem on your back and pushing your shoulders down that just won’t go so where is my bottle of alcohol please Waiter!

Sometimes I look around and give up, Me talking to Myself, ‘what’s the point anyway of trying to make this better anyway, I can’t do it alone, it’s hopeless!’  That is seriously seductive thinking from The Dream Killer. 

Hang on….! Let’s go back a bit….

Seductive from the word: seduce |siˈd(y)o͞os|verb [ with obj. ]attract (someone) to a belief or into a course of action that is inadvisable or foolhardy:

Your  spiteful friend, or absent father, or shrew of a wife, or horrid hubby, or jealous boss, whoever! It could be your gardener or housegirl -  but, it’s someone  who shoots down each of your shared dreams like a hyperactive kid playing Call-Of-Duty on his dad’s latest iMac - 27” display – with surround speakers…. Coz it happens, you know?? A word casually dropped, here,                          or there,

and

((((((((((((((BOOOooooommmmmmmmbbbbBBBBB)))))))))))

That’s the Dream Killer. Works on you so bad that you forget to pursue your dream.

And next year, Jan 1^st  2014, guess what?? 

New Year’s Resolution.

Your rear view mirror? A broken past, which occurred while you’ve been sleeping with the enemy, carvoting and dancing to his tune, eating horrendous meals with and listening to The Dream Killer.

Maybe what you and I should do is make our NYR’s now.

Now  that we’re not in a state of Euphoria or heady giddy excitement or drunk or hungover or for those lucky ones who were sexually sated..Psst! The Honeymoon is over, children are back in school, fees paid, banks stripped bare, we’ve done 3 weeks in, 2 Sundays of Church, back-to-the-grind at work, barren fridgid fridges, nadanadanada……

Now maybe we can make an appropriate and sober NYR.

CONTRACT WITH ME, MYSELF AND I.

This year, I _______________________________________ (your name)

Will avoid, at any cost,

The Dream Killer and His/Her antics, seductiveness, charms, or any other nonsense He/She will send my way or try to convince me otherwise.

Instead,

I will pick my Dreams up, wash them, care for them, nurture them, I will feed my Dreams with nutritious meals, watch them grow, let them sleep when necessary, laugh, smile, dance and have joy in my dreams. I will never let go of or discard my Dreams.

When my Dreams fall, I will pick them up, dust them off and nudge them gently towards the race.

I will focus, believe in myself, hope in all things good, have faith, pray, work really hard, smile some more, laugh often, give hugs freely, all for my Dreams, because, whatever they are,  they are Mine and I believe I will get there!

Signed,

(Your signature)

© NYAKIO MUNYINYI-OKALLO JANUARY 2013