CHEATED ON

Cheated on?

I hate being cheated on….

….. well I’m not the only one - who on earth and in their right mind likes being betrayed?

No one.

Who likes being deceived, tortured, left for dead in a restaurant, or holding a mobile phone, or staring blankly at a Facebook page, wordless, your heart in shattered pieces as you literally feel your soul and spirit fluttering out of a window in a desperate attempt to flee the scene of misery.  And the soul does flee, heading out there -somewhere – and you’re left feeling dead, lifeless, soulless, frozen and immune to joy.

Nah, nobody likes that.

But get this, being cheated on doesn’t allude simply to the sexual act. Being cheated on is a betrayal that slashes through your soul, where you know for certain that the other person is not thinking of you at all. And I repeat, it doesn’t have to be sexual.

Friends betray each other. Male and Female.

Sometimes -  family.

Sometimes it’s your own kids, sometimes - colleagues. Basically anyone who you have a close relationship with can betray you … broken promises, secrets spilled, acts that you would never condone being performed behind your back, without your knowledge. Have you ever witnessed teenage girls scream at each other over seemingly innocuous events? The fact that they are young does not mean that they do not experience the bitter hurt that you do as an adult. Betrayal is betrayal.

Being cheated on is (simply and finally) discovering – when someone who you thought had high regard for you - proves – beyond a doubt - that they actually think much less of you. It’s the sucker punch of understanding, a blow that hits you right between the eyes and breaks your nose and leaves you bleeding all over yourself. Yes, betrayal hurts when you realize, damn, they really don’t think much of me.

Actually, a cockroach is far more worthy. In their eyes.

Their emotions, thoughts and therefore their actions regarding you are not negative, they are deleterious.

They have flipped you off.

They have broken the alliance bond

          …..  and are thinking of themselves. Only.

Yap. No way someone can flip you off one sec then turn around and say they love you. Uh uh…..

So,…my advice for the day is that if you’ve been cheated on:

    1. Get over it.

          2.     Get over it.

               3.     Take a chill pill.

While # 1 and 2 may seem on the surface to be ridiculously harsh statements, they aren’t. At some point you have to say to yourself, ‘ok, what’s done is done, am not very important in their eyes, now .. what’s the way forward??’… but I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back for a minute:

When someone is betrayed, the first question they ask is:

‘how could you do this to me?’

… to the perpetuator, and often enough, the perpetuator, or GP (guilty party) either apologizes effusively for their selfish act, making up for the affront or bad behavior, bad talk, whatever. Depending on their pocket, apology gifts can be as inflated and expensive as cars, or as simple as a beautiful bunch of roses or a card saying, ‘I’m sorry’.

….. or you watch with astonishment as their hackles rise and they defend themselves by hurling crap at the accuser.

Note: I didn’t say hurl back.

I said, the GP defend themselves with accumulated crap from within themselves and hurl it at their accuser… That phrase: you’re so full of shit? it makes me crack up every time…because I wonder, people who are full of shit get constipated, right? which means they are …. Uptight…

Uncomfortable…. And have stomach aches….Lmao….

So sometimes it’s a whole load of garbage that they have been building up against you and themselves, because a GP has issues within themselves. This is why it is so hard to try and talk sense into a GP. Years or months have passed while they have piled up the garbage in your corner, and we all know it takes a long time to get rid of a garbage heap. A small spill is easy to clean. Weeks of accumulated garbage? Longer. Contrary to common thought, sticking around the person who cheated on you is not a good strategy.

The person who follows instinct and flees is not a coward – if you think about it - who wants to stick around – seriously - and get covered in slimy stuff in the name of Christian Charity or Forgiveness??  Okay, I hear you…. But give me just one second…. so there are those who will promulgate and spew out WWJD, and I agree, but with a twist. The GP is the one who should get themselves checked into some mind-altering anger-management or some such program, because, honestly, how does one even begin to carry such a heavy load of anger and dislike until they act it out? It’s unhealthy. And in all probability, if the friendship is closer than BFF, or if it is a repeated behavior, constant betrayal followed by effusive apologies, or a pattern of unhealthy relationships, then maybe the GP has deeper issues that need to be resolved. My advice? Flee.

‘Let’s talk from a distance’ is my motto – because that slimy stuff also gives off disease, or why do we have separate rooms called toilets to get rid of our waste matter, why do we flush loos and put the lid down? A person who betrays you has issues. Back when we were teenagers we’d walk off in a huff and swear ‘never to talk to that …. that….. @£$% person again!!!’. Why then as adults don’t we bolt off, instead asking the cheaters to prepare meals for us and then eat them? It’s worse than 2 girls, one Cup.….Is it because we listen to the lies of the very person who has betrayed us and unfortunately, somehow believe their lie over our truth? Or the belief that, mmmhh, it tastes nice even if it’s insalubrious? Truth be told, In the end if we believe in the cheater -  the GP - we end up cheating ourselves, the relationship becomes unsavory, we fall flat into denial and become co-dependents of the very person that made our souls flee..

If you have been hurt so bad that your soul flees, it’s advisable to follow it….

When our souls fly off, it happens for a number of reasons, one being protection – the flight or flee instinct. We walk around numb for a couple of days or weeks, sometimes months, the pain being too unbearable so we simply don’t feel it.  The medical fraternity has a term for that – it’s called ‘shock’.

Shock-on-you!

We could be on auto-mode, or we could anesthetize ourselves with whatever product is closest and most likely to cure our pain, be it binging on alcohol or sex, substance abuse, religion, hobbies, music, retreat, driving off in a cloud of dust, silence, frostiness, you name it. There are young girls who cut themselves – uh huh, right here in +254 – these are always a re-action and very little ACTION.

Being cheated on is a nasty experience, but sometimes, some don’t flee immediately. In their denial they stick around and are perhaps repeatedly cheated on, but whether it is a week or months later, they sometimes come to a point where they are kabisa worn out like tyres of a long-haul over-lander truck.  Worn of being passive watchers in a game where they’re constantly betrayed and taken advantage of, worn of being left for dead… but when they get to that point, there lies the beauty.

The beauty of being cheated on is that while your spirit may bolt in a desperate attempt to escape the hurt and horror of your torment, while it seeks solace and succor somewhere out there, in time a new spirit comes back, a renewed sprit for a new life.

Don’t be bitter, be better.

When your wheela’s tyres begin loosing their tread and grip and threads begin showing through, what do you do? Duh. Buy new ones. Back in the day – who remembers?? - we’d look for shops in Inda where we could get the tyres re-treaded.

Emphasis on the word, re. pronounced ‘reee’

Having a new spirit requires that old one flees so that you can begin afresh with a re-newed spirit.

There is no way to be renewed with a new spirit while you still have the old one, that’s called becoming a skizo* (schizophrenic - fun guys, I have a few friends who are totally skizo and brilliantly insane ….  hahaha..) but -  the old one must out, before the new one lodges in. Thus, before you reach for your physical solace bottle of wine, before you binge, shoot up or try and numb yourself with some chemical solution, remember this:

Brokenness and betrayal doesn’t mean it’s the end even if it feels like it, but most likely what I saw on the back of a Westi Mat juzi:

Marathon Runner be aware,  the finishing line is often the same line that represents a new race. And we think artists don’t have words? Lmao.

We often think that a betrayal is the end of us but it isn’t.  We often think that being cheated on means our life is over. Yes. It is. That one.

Hmm..

Finish the race well and with dignity, and start another one. Your past is not only his or herstory, it’s also a part of you. Consider this, if one atom of you changed, you wouldn’t be who you were. You’d be someone else, entirely different. Even identical twins make different choices, they are neither clones nor robots …. the choices you made 5 minutes ago determine your maturity and who you are today, and that whole determinant = YOU. The Red Indians of the Sioux Nation do not have the word ‘regret’ in their vocabulary, and I embraced that practice early in life – each and every spark that blasts my neurons forms ‘me’, uniquely. Every memory triggers a learning experience, each second in life gives me a choice that continually shapes ‘me’. Why regret and be bitter about what has made me who I am? Plus with this vast experience, I now have even greater choices to make my life better, full of joy and hope, and this is the essence of life.

A person with no memory cannot make great decisions based on nothing.

Take then the betrayal(s) you’ve gone though and use them to grow your life into better for you, not bitter. Grab your renewed spirit, give your worn tyres a new re-tread, get a new lease on life in manual gear shift – forget auto-shift, you can’t drift as well in a ryde that is automatic  – and yes, go burn some rubber with a new zest for life.

Leave the person full of s@#t alone. Don’t prod, poke or look for cracks in their armour. They will burst or explode at some point and you don’t want to be there when it happens do you??!!!! Lmao.

NYAKIO MUNYINYI for The XpenSieve Report © August 2013