A VAMPIRE LYFE

The past two weeks have been a personal nightmare for me, actually not Night mare, more like DAYmare - or SUNmare – or Heat mare, because the weather has been hot. Not just hot, but hot hot like a red hot chilli!  Heatwave in Dar. And I am suffering from that thing that hits women when they are over 45 years of age, known as …. Hot flushes.

So, in an attempt to avoid the heat, mine has become a Vampire Life….

Ok….not a blood-drinking evil creature, but 

when I think of a being who purposely avoids sunlight, the name Vampire hits the spot. What is amusing is that despite me being a full-blooded African woman with no mlami blood in my system, I actually get hurt by the sun!! It’s painful!!  So, okay, This is Dar…..where temperatures get to over 38 degrees easy … at night. According to Google, I should be in a climate no warmer than 16 ˚C/40˚F

So. Bottom line. I’m hot. Very.

And the weather is my competition.

What a laugh!

Heat flushes…. Woiyee. Ladies, that’s why, no lie, they are called Hot Flushes. Who among you women are feeling me? I thought it was a joke but its true, its not a myth. In my looking for solutions and surfing the internet I came across a comment: that women from developing countries do not get Heat Flushes and menopausal symptoms!! I rolled on the floor laughing at the lie, so all you ladies approaching 50…beware!

Staying indoors during the day in dark cool rooms with drawn curtains is preferable to gallivanting in the sun like a  gazelle in the Mara, and even they look for shade under leafy trees!!  It’s to be avoided. Being out in the sun that is….

Symptoms include feeling lethargic during the day and being completely unable to complete even the smallest task because my blood feels like it’s boiling and at the same time I’m pouring buckets of sweat, i.e, I’m sweating buckets -  Jamaani, if I could package and sell salt I’d be rich, eeyuu!! Hahahahaha! Wish I could see the look on your face….. hahahaha, but really, the days are so draining by the time it’s 6pm I am almost out of my mind with – I don’t know what– it’s not quite just the physical exhaustion, but mental as well, it’s like I need a blood transfusion of cold cold blood or a freezing cold super energy drink or SPINACH!! Who remembers Pop-Eye the sailor man??

If it’s not ice-cold I don’t want it, but I’m told ‘dawa ya moto ni moto’… so sometimes I make myself masala tea and sit under a fan sweating like a crazy woman.. I wonder how much longer before my brains blow out? Or maybe they have and I just don’t know it and kids and hubby are planning on taking me on a short one way trip to MMH. It may be a preferable solution.

For whom? (Hands to my lips) – Not me.

So, not yet. I will get meds for my overactive hormones and be a druggie – live on drugs and hormone therapy. Although I so dislike ‘estrogen’ ‘let’s share’ moments, I guess a pill will help. Or better yet, simply move to cooler climes and say bye-bye to this Hole of Heat...

But let me ask you - How do you cope with hot situations? Are you facing a particularly hot and hellish, sticky and sweaty situation with no solution that you can see?

Another Q: Is it easier to keep warm in the cold, or cool in hot weather? I guess it’s a matter of preference. Some, like me, can’t literally stand heat and wilt physically and mentally. Others thrive on heat and hot situations where the adrenalin rush is what they feed off to survive.  I think that is why when type A personalities know things will get erratic they don’t change course or go to a place with a cooler climate. They will take the heat and be the Last Man Standing, thriving on the Adventures of the Unexpected.

That’s good if life or fate throw you Ace cards but, only 1% of the Earth’s population are billionaires. The rest of us are chickens scrambling on the ground for seeds.

So for you, the 99%, what happens when Facing Heat in your life??

Come to Dar and you will think your hot problem is nothing but hot air – hmm -  but you know….… often times when people resort to comparisons I get so mad… let me expound…

You may be going through a bad phase in your life and when you share, the advice you get is ‘why are you complaining  -  the Indians in South India or Bangladesh have it much worse than you! Be THANKFUL!!’ or… ‘huh, at least you’re not living in Kibs’, or ‘you have a job… what are you complaining about, you know so-and-so doesn’t have a job and they are trusting God and smiling…’.

I feel bad and really rotten at the comparison. Like a worm. So ungrateful….

Then I get mad. Coz I’m not an Indian from Southern India and the thing is, I AM going through a bad phase. There is no instrument anywhere that can gauge the depth of suffering or misery and it is a terrible thing to receive ‘comparative’ advice.

Plus it is not acceptable behavior to get mad with God, it is seen as small-minded when you like, shout at Him and tell Him, ‘Dude, I hate my life!! Wass’up? I have done all I CAN DO, I pray, I am a good person, I give to the poor, I love you, I am not a murderer, I have sacrificed, WHY AM I STILL SUFFERING?’

Then, being truthful about your bad  is unacceptable and seen as a complaint.

Friend: How are you?

You: Sick

Friend: Oh

You: Yeah

Friend: So… how you feeling?

You: Sick and yukky

Friend: Gosh, you’re such a grouch!

Should we lie then?

There are so few Good Samaritans in today’s world that rush over to your house with hot soup when you’re ill, or in my case, friends rushing here with huge tubs of freezing ice-cream. Or maybe I am learning the mettle of my few friends…

LMAO!!

Moving on…. what I have observed is that when someone speaks the truth and claims negativity in their life, someone somewhere will be the Doctor of Philosophy and spew out that pathetic statement in a high receptionists ‘how can I help you’ tone…. ‘Try harder!’.

It’s a statement that assumes that you haven’t already looked at all the different resolutions (it’s your life!!).  It also assumes that life is a road paved with gold bricks when actually life is more like seeing the gold brick in someone’s compound and you KNOW you can’t touch that!

So because of the above, my observation is that people would rather lie or die than admit to being in hot and sticky situations. And their friends would rather not hear about it.

Obviously not me, but the diff is;  I laugh at myself.

I know my heat flushes will pass. (Google says about 10 years….) Everything does eventually. Pass.

Meanwhile I will do all I can to cope.  If living like a Vamp does it for me…. Well…Its part of the journey so I might as well enjoy it.

Nyakio’s Weird Adivce

Hot and sticky situation? Do whatever works for you because your situation is a reality. Scream, shout, jump up and down if it will help, but admit that it’s real. In other words, accept that you’re in too deep and some aspects of your life stink right now. Don’t pretend to yourself. In English, that is called Denial.  And Denial is not a river in Africa.

Punch a wall? Lol! No. A boxing punching bag works better. You can kick it too, and all with your headphones on and the music blaring in your ears. Nyummy!

If there is something that you can’t afford to do  - whether emotionally or physically, then  - Don’t.

If the sun hurts you, then keep OUT of it. If you can’t live in a cold climate, don’t move to Alaska. If the Doc said no salt in your diet, then don’t even LOOK at salt. If you can’t afford that car, then walk on by..

One day, I will stop being a Vampiric recluse and slowly begin emerging in the light of day. And your troubles… they too will end, because you will progressively work towards a solution but – hey,  remember that you may not get an instant cure or Miracle. And who says instant is better anyway? I love my coffee brewed, not instant.  As with coffee, so with life sometimes. It will take a while longer to brew, but don’t you just love the aroma of coffee as it’s brewing?  With life not all solutions are instant and it doesn’t help to try and hurry it along. Instead, make a sandwich to eat with the coffee - enjoy sunrises and sunsets and your children while you work out your problem. Whether it takes 5 days, or 5 years, it is temporary so don’t obsess with the negative, look for the joke.  Because seriously, do you expect me to not smile for 10 years??

Impossible.

So - find the fun, laugh a lot at yourself. Take photos now for memories and gather a collection of them together in a scrapbook (or online) to laugh at later, and to mark your life process. Good medicine that.

Or travel to Uganda and find the source of de Nile….

© NYAKIO MUNYINYI-OKALLO for The XpenSiev Report, March 2013