Let’s talk about sex baby, let’s talk about you, and
me…
But we stopped
talking about sex a long time ago…
It is a dirty subject
and like with all matters dirty, we tend to sweep them under a beautiful carpet
and leave them down there, hidden and unseen - but whenever we shift, or step
too hard on the carpet, the dirty rotten stuff under said carpet is begins to
ooze out and stink the air.
FACT: There's
a culture in Kenya that advocates for a strange and nasty silence about all matters
sex or sexual.
As a growing girl, if
I had ANY questions they were mostly silenced with a loud SHHHHHHHhhhhhh and a
harsh reminder that , ' …….. good girls don't talk about such things……',and I
was left feeling unhealthy and wrong, because as a teen with raging hormones, I
FELT stuff and I wasn’t taught how to respond to all these feelings, do you
give in to the physical feelings, or do you ignore them? I was left utterly confused.
My vagina and a male
penis were both ‘susus’. But, periods
were a ‘curse’, so any reference to pain was responded with, ‘….but it’s a
curse, you’re an eve, chin up!’ ----à me: *&^%^$£@. God does hate me.
How many girls have you
heard crying out loud, ‘ I wish I was a boy!?’
As growing girls, we
discussed all these sex matters amongst ourselves but at some point it
automatically divided us into two distinct groups – the BAD girls discussed sex
and all sexual matters, the GOOD GIRLS didn’t discuss sex AT ALL.
NOTE. If you discussed sex, you were a sinner and not
a Christian.
This made no sense to
me. At all. Because how does the
discussion of a subject that makes us so uniquely human automatically throw one
out of a religious group?
Sigh…
HENCE, I am known as
belligerent and a far-right liberal winger who defies rules.
But, whether you
choose to agree or not, the following are facts:-
FACT: We unconsciously believe that any woman who
likes sex, or talks about wanting it, is WRONG. If a woman talks about wanting sex, liking the sexual act,
or is desirous of sex, or horny,
then SHE is automatically ---à loose, a slut, a
tease, a whore or 'hoe' [as they call them in the US of A]. She's automatically
thrown out of the "Warm Women’s
Club" and rejected as a 'nice lady’. Immediately. Pap! Horrors, may a woman say she's horny, and for some strange reason in
the eyes of all other woman, she has fallen from the grace of god, is a sinner,
has sinful needs, and is an alien. She's also alienated, prayed for, told to
look into herself, that she has problems, should see a psychiatrist, laid hands
on, a KESHA is held on her behalf if she has
money that the church needs; she's told what
she needs to eat, what to drink, which vitamins to go on, which foods
to stop eating, which exercises to start.... everything apart from what she
needs....which is a simple “fucksercize”. Well maybe not so simple. Maybe a
long satisfying fuck.
Will she get it?
Most probably not.
A man can be horny
and it's alright. A man can say, 'wah, a week is too long without sex..',
and he's immediately King of the Heap, with a Fan club and a cheering squad -
all expecting him to find a fuck that week if he isn't in a relationship - wait
- even IF he's in a relationship. The admired man is a playboy, popular, and
known to pop in and out of vaginas, left right and center at least once a week.
When this man who is at the King of the Heap gets married, he continues his
game doesn't he? And quickly gets furious - highly indignant and murderous when
he learns to his shock and despair, that his girls club will not be tolerated
by his new WIFE. [the good girl who doesn’t talk about sex]
Guys, have you been
told this by your wife: “I will NOT TOLERATE this type of behaviour in my
house…”. After which you’re shamed and insulted in front of children.
Or wives, has your
husband shamed you for having a higher libido than him?
Let’s talk about sex 2.
FACT:
The advice that Kenyan women receive when they admit to being horny is
infuriating, irritating and often, deeply hurtful and very harmful. It leaves her feeling dirty, sick, ill and
rejected. When all she felt before was simply horny, now she has a whole other
basketful of rejected feelings. THIS MEANS, that every time she feels horny,
she will associate horniness with: yes, that’s right: dirtyness, feelings of
being sick and ill and rejection.
So she builds up a
defence system. Husband touches her, she feels horny and WAH!! KNIVES ARE
THROWN!!
‘How dare you touch
me? Kwani you think I’m a WHORE?, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? I’m the MOTHER of your
CHILDREN!!”
…. I’m leaving that
there….
FACT: Boyfriends and husbands are hidden from the
horny woman, like she's some banshee who will suddenly attack all
boyfriends with an insane manic rabid drive for sex. It's like she's become
rabid, slobbering from the mouth and other orifices, hungering for sex from
anyone, or anything.
So nasty is society
to women, that men, in their pea-brained animal states, rape that particular
woman, batter her, beat her, bite her, rip her clothes off, force her legs
apart, thrust fingers and hands into her vagina, and rape her, saying, “…..ulisema
unataka”.
Excuse me?
I weep.
And worse, WOMEN who
look at the abused woman and also say, 'well, she deserved it, she brought it
on to herself’.
At which point do we
cover this woman with a blanket?
Cover her up and hug
her and tell her it's NOT OKAY, that she has been violated and that's a horrid
thing.
At which point will
we be letting girls talk to us mothers frankly and openly, letting girls tell
us how they FEEL in their bodies, without stepping back in horror? Like really,
seriously, if you're reading this as a woman, tell me, in 2015, is it really
WRONG, can you tell a 16 year old girl that it's a SIN to feel horny? To need a
release from hormones that GOD put IN US in the first place? We're all
beautifully and wonderfully made, we're not accidents [and the Bible tells me
so] so at which point do you have permission to tell any woman that what she is
feeling is WRONG?
2. How to isolate
FEELING from DEED. Feeling horny does not equate giving in to the FEELING. Can
we have discussions where it’s OKAY to feel ANNYOYED OR HUNGRY OR HORNY and to
learn what to DO so we don’t feel ANNOYED, or HUNGRY or HORNY to the point of
madness?
3. Kenyan women, in
not telling their daughters what to expect about SEX, make a nasty mistake.
Because the whole continent is way ahead of us, and girls in AFRICA, in UG, in
Tz, in Ethopia, in Sudan, Masaai’s, damn, everywhere, are taught by their
mothers how to please their husbands in the bed, sexually. But Kenyan girls?
hahahahahahaha.....
…They lag so far
behind in this arena that it's beyond annoying, it's just dumb. We spend a lot
of time with our spouses, more years with them having sex than not, yet
it's one topic we don't pass in, and YES it's a huge cause of :-
RAPE.
Yes. Because Men are
sexually stressed, and they're not taught about women, and women are sexually
stressed and they're not taught about themselves, and...
we need to begin
somewhere, it's getting worse.
LADIES: LET
us begin to talk about sex openly, to our mothers, aunties, grandmothers, sisters,
girlfriends and DAUGHTERS - ask questions as girls, youth, as young
married women, talk about sex and sexual matters because sex matters.
GUYS: Begin
to talk about sex openly, ask questions, to fathers, uncles, grandfathers,
brothers, dude friends and SONS - ask as
YOUTH, as young married men, talk about sex and sexual matters, because sex matters.
If we don’t we shall
become a sick nation that re acts with anger and aggression to our unspoken
unhealthy sexual needs. Men rape, and females have NO WHERE to DISCUSS their
fears, because there shall be and thee is currently on one to talk to.
Do you know that if you want to talk about anything sexual or sex, you’re provided with a COUNSELOR OR PSYCHIATRIST. Now, what does that imply? Really? tsk
“Oh dear, you want to
ask a question about sex, no…. don’t ask your mom, go and see this lady
counsellor…, or if you have sex needs, can I advice you to see this pastor so
and so…?”
Sex Talk is
problematic.
It’s a problem
Sex is a problem?
Does it not mean that
if you want to discuss sexuality and sexual matters or learn about sex you must be perverse or something is
wrong with you? Is something wrong
with you because you’re reading this article? You have a sick mind? Oh, the
author does?
We have become a
judgemental perverse society that thinks all things sensual are evil, rotten,
and NEVER to be spoken about or outside where it happens.
THIS background is
what the male abuser and rapist relies
upon, uses it and damages young girls with it, because, since girls are not
allowed to talk about sex with their mothers, because it's a 'dirty thing',
because we cannot, as good girls, talk about 'such dirty things', then it
follows that if we do such 'dirty' things, then we belong to the group of
'dirty' people.
FACT: Girls who have been abused CANNOT TALK. They CANNOT. How? For years and years it has been
ingrained into their brains that sex=dirty, and anyone who does sex is DIRTY.
I’ll also tell you
something else:
FACT: Men who rape women continuously abuse the victim with talk such as,
“…‘you’re dirty’,
it’s your fault, you deserve this, who do you think you are, I’ll fuck you because
you’re dirty rotten thing, why are you bleeding, you’re a shit, you’re a whore,
you cunt, you dirty little fuck, why did you wear that dress, why did you smile
at that boy you whore, I hope this hurts you, you deserve this, who do you
think you are, you’re nothing…., this is our secret, don’t tell anyone, they
will hate you, don’t tell anyone, I love you, you will feel good, it’s sweet
but don’t tell anyone, they will be annoyed with YOU, it’s wrong”
Please, re read that in your mother tongue. Please. I’m
writing it in English, but, the above WORDS have NEVER been spoken, ever, in
English, in KENYA. So, read the above and say it out-loud in your NATIVE TONGUE
or SHENG.
… and you expect the
ABUSED girl to REPEAT THIS?? In a LAW COURT?
What the fuck?
Don’t.
FACT:
The CRIME of Rape is a vicious act of hatred.
The girl should NEVER be told to defend herself. Ever.
How do we expect a
young girl to get 'courage' from some
vacuum, and begin to simply 'talk'
about it?
THIS is the reason
why over 60% of girls who are sexuallyabused by an alcoholic adult run away from home and become drug addicts.
FACT: Women judge other women as well.
There are cases where
when girls grow up all lovely and sexy – at about 13, 14, 15 – 17, girls are
budding, gorgeous and downright ripe.
And there's a nasty crop of judgmental women who do NOT protect their daughters, right here, in Kenya. They sit and watch their daughters through
slit eyes and brains full of jealous gasses. They give no good advice, instead,
they curse: instead of ‘honey, dress with something that will cover your thighs
but show off your legs, they drop negative language like; ‘you’ll get raped in that’. When these words become truth, they sneer
with statements like, ‘I told you so’,
and offer no comfort. Stop it. Stop cursing a younger generation of beautiful
Kenyan girls. Please.
And if these girls do
get abused by their own fathers or teachers or neighbours or relative, the
women protect THEIR ABUSER SPOUSE. Case
at present: the woman in majengo who is looking for a LAWYER for her husband to
get out of jail for raping the daughter for 2 years. And said daughter is STILL
living with the mother. I hate to think what she’s going through. I don’t know
her, but someWOMAN does, someWOMAN is a neighbour, someWOMAN is a sister,
SOMEWOMAN knows THIS FAMILY, WHAT are we as women in Kenya Raising??
Let me tell you all
something, the moment a husband has sex, inserts his dick, touches your
DAUGHTER SEXUALLY, THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT IS BROKEN and all that’s left, ALL
THAT IS LEFT, is the BLOOD BOND BETWEEN
YOU ANDYOUR DAUGHTER.
HER HYMEN has been
broken Mom. But you shed blood during her birth, honour that. Cover your
daughter with that. She came first, through YOUR CERVIX.
Can we as a society
adhere to this TRUTH?
FACT: The reason
women protect their husbands is because we do not, as women, empower
each other. IF YOUR PARTNER touches your SON OR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY, that
CONTRACT BETWEEN YOU and spouse is broken IMMEDIATELY, and that is why it hurts
a woman when a man abuses her daughter.
FACT: But, we are
told BY neighbour, state and religious institution to forgive and forget.
By the way, in Kenya
we need to open Paedophile files: It’s good to know our neighbours. And
husbands-to-be.
There are cases where
when women report sexual abuse cases to the church, that it’s kept in the
‘church’. How now? Seriously?
But this SILENCE is
what the RAPIST and ABUSER counts on.
He will abuse your
daughter, your cousin, your girlfriend, your sister, over and over again and
again and again, knowing he will NEVER be NAMED or SHAMED, imprisoned or
stopped. He will grow larger, will become hardened, will feel obligated..
Should I laugh?
RAPE is NASTY, horrid
and it’s swept under a carpet, never to be discussed and we’re told to ‘deal
with it’ somehow…
AND
we expect the abused girl to go to a police station and discuss THIS to some
sweaty, overweight, smelly COP who will simply nod then tell her to bring a
witness?
We need to talk about sex. Again.
If
we empower our children, they will know what is wrong, and what is right. Do
not alienate your child, your son, your daughter. Do not tell your son that
such things are DIRTY. HE WILL grow up thinking his wife is DIRTY for liking
sex. He will hate himself for having and liking sex. He will have sex with a
chicken, a goat or a cow.
No
way…. : You scream?
Lmao.
So, those young men out there reported on the news for bestiality, are they not
your sons? Sons of Kenya? Born on this soil? Or whose sons
are those? Brother mine, those are your sons. You refused to talk to them and
they rape animals and girls and women.
DADS:
talk about sex to your sons. Talk about your penises, talk about your
horniness, talk about what stimulates and what doesn’t. Talk about masturbation
and the myths, talk about SEX, the act, the do’s and don’ts. Don’t be mad, talk
to your DUDE friends, ask THEM WHAT to discuss with your son, listen to the OLD
MEN, what should you reveal, TALK TALK TALK, TALK TO YOUR SONS. If you don’t,
SOMEONE WILL. AND that someone will tell YOUR SON stuff that you do not want
your son to believe. And YOUR SON might RAPE
your daughter. Or your DAUGHTER’S friend. SO TALK TO YOUR SON. Tell him
about EVERYTHING – because again, if you don’t, WHO WILL? Empower your son.
DADS, talk to your wives too.
MOMS:
yap, talk to your daughters. Talk about your boobs and your vaginas, talk about
masturbation, talk about giving birth, buy or download THE RED TENT by Anita
Diamant, TALK TALK TALK. Listen too. You have 2 ears, LISTEN to your daughter
if she’s scared, or abused by a TEACHER, OR WORKER or NEIGHBOUR. TALK TALK
TALK. TALK to other mothers, discuss Sex, talk to OLD WOMEN, give them space
and listen to them, they have WISE WORDS.
We need to talk about sex. Again.
Don’t
sweep the sex talk under the carpet. It will rot and begin to stink vibaya.
Nyakio J.
Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© 2015
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