Sucking Hot Tea Through Straws

I’m sucking tea through a straw…

Sucks big time. Pun intended.

Seriously… after years and years of gulping down my coffee and tea  – progressing from when I was about 7 years old and blowing furiously to cool the tea in those tin mugs of boiling milk-teas handed out in a dark and smoke filled hut huddled next to the fire by ‘shosho’ [yes, I got a shock too when first given that spelling of cúcú by a dot comer],  to sipping from dainty tea cups made of porcelain in international 5***** hotels, and more recently advancing to huge vessels of coffee in stainless steel mini-thermoses that keep the coffee/tea hot from kitchen tabletop to office desk!!

No. I stopped sucking hot liquids when I was a toddler…

[@£$£@%] …

wait –

Let me amend that sentence –

I stop sucking hot liquids through a straw when I was a toddler.

.......!!!!

But, I don’t have a choice because, well, I got a tooth extracted from my lower jaw early this morning, and I’m hungry but I can’t EAT. And while I’m sucking tea through a straw and realizing that it sucks big time I’m wondering if I should simply go all the way and hang a bib round my neck too??

…aarrgghh!!!

Well – at least the tooth is out…its been in there for quite some time without any fillings and stuff – that has been a plus. How many of you can boast a tooth older than 48 with no fillings? HA!! [Nyakio strutting like a PeaHen – not PeaCOCK – I want to be politically correct here ..hahaha hahahaa!!]

.. but yesterday during a meeting I almost collapsed in pain when the tooth- after a month or so of utter painlessness - suddenly sent what amounted to a nuclear-atom-bomb arsenal of pain from my tooth straight to brain. For some reason my ear was also affected – wah - my eyes went red and I think I look crazed and fazed because when I later on told Boss Man that I was going to get said tooth hauled out, he nodded in solemn wisdom and sprouted wise words, ‘yes, it’s impossible to think when you have a toothache’.

Halleluyah!! Someone UNDERSTANDS!!

What I found weird though as I lay down last night to try and sleep (it proved impossible), is that we often do this to ourselves – we wait until the last desperate second to rid ourselves of a problem that we could probably have dealt with in a less excruciating manner.

Oh well, we’re humans.

98% of us wait till we’re desperate.

It could be anything. The problem that is.

Your problem – :

They start slowly – a slight twinge that really doesn’t alarm you but makes you sympathetic to the situation. Like a buzz in the air before an electric storm or an uncomfort in the spirit and soul. Like, Hmmm. Geologists call them low hum vibrations or earthquakes. Very slight and not alarming…

We brush the sensation away.

Mostly.

We never really listen to that first tinge or twinge, or twitch. We ignore it and tell our minds that it was ‘just a tinge or twinge or twitch’.

And that’s where you and I go utterly and completely disastrously wrong because – and I’m telling you this so you know it from the bottom of your soul – you’re one of the most expensive and complex pieces of machinery ever made on this planet and when the warning goes off you should be so finely tuned to yourself that you sense it on all three levels of yourself – the spirit, soul and physical.

If you had to buy yourself, you wouldn’t. The maintenance fees alone are incredible, yet your parents managed somehow to fuel you and grease you and take you for software updates for a full 18 years (sometimes more). Meanwhile your hardware was constantly taken care of and polished and greased and fueled and cleaned and oiled and polished and greased and fueled….

Tuko pamoja?

As with all hardware there’s a high need for necessary accessories, and yours depended on the level of income of your [Maintenance Providers] whether parents, grandparents or guardians of some sort.. Some accessories come covered in diamonds and glitz, while others like me, get the run of the mill mediorcre range of goodies, while a large percentage of the world get bottom of the range accessories from 2^nd, 3^rd, or 10^th generation hand-me-downs [antiques are like 10^th generation well-maintained hand-me-downs – don’t be cheated].

So. We’re expensive to maintain and complex, requiring over 18 years or so of fine tuning before we’re released out into the ‘ecosphere’.

And when we feel a ‘twinge’ – we ignore it. If you had a guarantee – one of those little labels, you’d be recalled by the Company and tossed mercilessly into a dump and recycled as a fridge or freezer. Aki.  

Let’s try again - if you buy that very,very,very expensive Maybach, and one day while you’re cruising in it and a little red light the size of a needle goes ON – there – in the dashboard – would you drive it for another 1000 kms, or would you stop immediately [or as soon as possible] and get that RED thing attended to?

 If it’s a Maybach, you’d stop.

So why don’t we as finely tuned humans stop when our bodies, our souls or our spirits are screaming out in pain over issues and disputes in our lives? A job gone wrong, a spouse acting weird, a lower back ache, a child responding differently, a friend not calling, a parent being abrupt, a neighbor looking confused, a passenger in a bus trembling, your son breaking out into a sweat?? Why don’t we stop in ALARM when we notice these little warning messages but instead continue driving for another 1000 hours?

Hmmm….

Covering the pain with OTC medications and praying hopelessly for a diversion? Hope? Hope for what? A red dot means freeze:-

Teach yourself to know the difference between real and authentic, valid hope and illusionary expectations. Seriously. Get down to looking objectively at your problem – look at the roots, face the twinge and don’t fall for delusions because they could kill you.

Below is an example similar to what I wrote in one of my previous blogs- :

You’re in your home either sprawled out on the couch in your shorts and vest or T, watching a movie; or having dinner and reading a book; or maybe you’re walking towards the bathroom when you notice a green mamba slithering behind the sofa.

Ha ha ha, as I write this imaginary visual, I can envisage your mind racing - in a real situation you’d frantically halt whatever you were about to do – whether it was putting that forkful of nutritious skuma in your mouth - or walking towards your bathroom with towel alone knotted around your midriff - spotting a green mamba slithering on your tiled or carpeted floor is akin to a RED pinpoint dot flashing on the dashboard of a Maybach – and I can ‘see’ your mind as it races with the SINGULAR adrenaline induced thought - a strong determination consisting of locating that snake with one major outcome – THE. SNAKE. MUST. DIE.

There is no possible way on God’s Good Earth that you will allow a snake (and a green mamba@ that) to reside in your home – uh huh – [shaking head here] .. you cannot and will not entertain thoughts of a snake of any length in your house while you eat, cook, shower, or jump into bed – because heaven forbid, the thing could turn up anywhere, anytime. And bite your child, or spouse, or m’boch, or you.

Therefore in this equation, TSMD = 110%

My sucking hot tea through the straw is the consequences. In looking for that snake we usually turn the house upside down. We may even break the plate we were eating from in our hurry to find the broom or run out of the room to look for spouse, or friend, or anyone who will help us find and kill the snake. Point is: Will you sit there and wait for your spouse to come home and then tell them calmly: Oh, be careful – there’s a snake in the house, but I didn’t want to mess up the furniture because I know you have OCD.

I’d kill you if you did.

Then ressurrect you for a repeat performance... 

So, turn the house upside down. But find and kill that snake.

Are we this determined in life when a snake slithers into our psyches?

Why don’t we react with a very real fright when we get a soul twitch?

Or a physical twinge?

Or spiritual tinge?

Do we turn ourselves inside out; Look for, analyze and remove the problem? Or do we let our problems fester inside us, coldly slithering around in our brains and waiting for that inevitable bite that will first poison then eventually kill?

Must all warnings be VISUAL - Seriously? What if I was blind. Would I discount the use my other senses and therefore be a blind fool?

If you’re reading this – begin by asking yourself why you ignore those soul twitches and – determine that you will stop ignoring them, simple. Instincts, twitches and all those mind-boggling ‘feelings’ were in-built for a reason – and well analyzed they can and do get many people out of many scrapes long before the problems turn septic or demobilize our mojo. (ß--- just another word for spirit).

We are all finely tuned pieces of machinery (although some are better tuned than others – fluttering my eyes furiously ), which should run for approximately 80 years – give or take. Minds too – so go grab a Software update if you’re feeling kidogo-leftout and archaic. Age is not an excuse nowadays if you're left behind in maisha - plus - most updates are free online.

But however old you are, a word of advice. If you see it in your 20/20 vision, or simply feel a twinge when no one else can, it’s better to kill the snake and suffer the consequences (e.g. sucking hot tea from straws), rather than waiting for the snake to rear it’s ugly head, when you’re sound asleep, in your comfortable bed.

Nyakio J. Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© 2014

[Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to xPenSieve© with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Headline banner design by NJMunyinyi.]

Deep Annoyances And How We React To Friends

“Have you ever been so angry with someone that you stopped speaking to them, refused to acknowledge them or even speak their name? When you become so angry with a person that you want to shut them out of your life, you need to know that there is something going on with YOU that has nothing to do with them”. Iyanla Vanzant

Food for Thought.

When I first read this statement, I was startled enough to read it over again and digest it -  s l o w l y -  what did the author of this wit really mean? Surely if I, Nyakio, am pissed off with someone it means that they have crossed into MY territory, that it’s MY boundaries that have been breached, and MY space that has been trespassed - and therefore they deserve banishment – what’s with this baloney that it’s all about ME?

Huff!!

I waved my hand in the air and changed that page online with a flick of my wrist and a finger-brush on my laptop touchpad….

But …

Then I remembered:

And I groaned in frustration.

I was once. So exceedingly livid with an unreasonable anger that I literally saw RED… can you feel me someone?? And it was at the peak of the RED PROVOCATION that I forcefully sat myself down and took a long close microscopic look at myself  - because the infuriation levels were really so ridiculously high and - while I know that I am often unreasonable plus totally insane, I just had to pry closer at the intensity of that particular annoyance.

And in all honesty to you’ all – I was the ‘problem’. Not them. I italicize the word problem because it means that I determined that my annoyance with this person wasn’t actually based on THEIR ACTIONS, but more on my own re-actions. I had – in my shortsightedness – become – Horror of horrors - judgmental.

Hmm…that’s a tough call. You’re reading this alone. Answer this: Who have you cut out of your FB friends list recently? Whose calls have you blocked on your phone or messages on WhatsApp? Is it them… or is there something in their life that has began to prod and poke painfully at the obvious lack in your own life?

I have a simple list of Do-do’s that I ask of those who NOOTBA. (that just stands for those who take NYAKIO’S OUT OF THE BOX ADVICE).

If you realize that someone really really upsets you:

1. Sit down by yourself in a noisy atmosphere and write a list from 1 – 10 of the irritants. In order of Irritation Intensiveness. Yes. A noisy atmosphere eg, noisy cafeteria, or a bar – especially a sports bar during a game, @ a rugby 7aside match, in a mat/public transport/ in plane during take-off, etc…noisy places have a way of raising people’s ire especially when they want to think hard.

2. Take a break. Stop thinking about the list and go do something for a day. Or two.

3. Sit down by yourself in another noisy atmosphere and read the list and ….

4. Apply each and every point that you listed – to YOURSELF.

Yes.

I had a list for (let’s call her Z) It went like this:

1. Z was rude 2. Z was loud 3. Z was judgemental 3. Z was arrogant 4.Z was bossy 5. Z was quick-tempered 6. Z did a load of assuming 7. Z was so cocksure  of herself. 8. Z spoilt her kids screaaaammm!!!

and…. Yes,

I found out to my detriment that I had been describing myself. I shuddered.

It’s a simple character assessment that can be found in many ‘Life Management’ courses where the traits (whether good or bad) that stand out the most to us in our friends are those that are reflected in our own character – we tend to gravitate, socially – to those who are most similar to us.

It’s also why two friends may find that their needs in the one common friend are very different, and why –they identify with different aspects of their common friends character. We’re all schizophrenic to a degree and because of the multiple roles we enact, we often have a fiercer role in each. A person may be a brother, a son, a father, an uncle, or just a friend. He may and should and have a wonderful relationship with different male buddies who see tune into entirely different aspects of his one personality – they will either hone into the brother, or father, or uncle.

It’s a basic survival instinct – because our similarities will be accepted and encouraged, but if as humans we insist on being with people who are dissimilar to us, we may end up very far from our comfort zone. Why do we have ‘groups’ all over the world of people who ‘do’ stuff together? It’s the similarities that grow us as people and bring out our ‘humaneness’ and it’s the differences that we instinctively want to ‘kill’.  But let me not go too deeply into that – we’re not studying for a degree here - lmao….

Therefore, if you have the courage to look deeply into your own character, you may shudder. If you look at the person you have gotten annoyed with to the point that you no longer wish to talk to them, it may mean one of two things:

Either the both of you are so very similar in character and your sameness’ is constantly and periodically clashing.

OR

There is something going on in your life that makes it impossible for you to continue taking their shit.

In sameness: I hear the same thing over and over again in casual comments about my friends: ‘you two are so alike it’s a wonder you don’t kill each other’ or ‘they’re like 2 peas in a pod – identical… leave them alone – they will sort themselves out’…

If this is true, then stick with this person. Unblock them and put them back into your FaceBook CLOSE friends list. Why do I say this? Because this friend will make the same darn mistakes that you will - and in life we learn from our mistakes. So watch what they do and don’t do it. 2. Watch them and see HOW they deal – because if they do, in all likelihood you can too because of your similar natures.

So keep them close and learn from them. Write another list and this time, FOCUS on the things that you LOVE and LIKE and ADMIRE in them. 1 – 10.

Those too, are your characteristics.

Characteristics that are genuinely Good and Remarkable. In other words, don’t press delete just yet with this particular friend. Get over your petty anger. Laugh with them, enjoy life with them and don’t take things PERSONALLY, capish?

But: if there is something going on in your life that makes it impossible for you to continue taking your friends shit – it may be time to cut them out. Because yes, you were – taking their little annoyances and shutting up. Hence if suddenly you feel the need to slam that door in their face – then it means that whatever is going on in YOUR life  makes it impossible for them to continue being a part of it.

… Nyakio… what?? explain….

Ok…

When I began my ‘Mid-life Change’ and I call it that with a smile because I actually brought it on – I made some drastic changes in my life on every level – physical, spiritual and within my soul. I began to ‘clean house’ - albeit slowly. Because of these spanking new things that were taking place in my life – I realized that there was stuff going on with me that had absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH some of my friends – and therefore, because they were not actively involved in my life, adding value nor making a substantial commendable difference – I dropped them.

Eg. And I say this on public forum with no shame or fear: I had a friend who constantly began entire conversations that revolved around bringing people down. Now, I used to be a part of that – don’t get me wrong – I’m not judging her, I would jump right into those stinky piles of verbal diarrhoea and we would people-bash together. Ouch.

Then I began cleaning up my house and found that her conversations irritated me  - whereas before they didn’t. At first I was confused and irritated with myself because in reality - She hadn’t changed. I had. And this is where we begin to identify with the truth of Iyanla Vanzant’s statement above: ‘When you become so angry with a person that you want to shut them out of your life, you need to know that there is something going on with YOU that has nothing to do with them’.

It’s called Maturity. Ahem.

So take heart when you need to drop annoying people from your life. Make the lists – and watch exactly where they are positioned in your life. It’s your life and you have control over it – so examine exactly ‘where’ and in which ‘zone’ your friends belong.  If they are closer to you than you thought - swallow your anger and realize it’s based on your similarities.

Lakini, if they are not growing you positively in any way and all you are producing as a result of your relationship is a Toxic Anger?

Press BANISH.

It’s a sweet button…

And feel nothing.

Lol.

Nyakio J. Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© May 2014

[Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to xPenSieve© with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Headline banner design by NJMunyinyi.]