read that first. It’s short and to the
point.
Done? Good.
Now: Answer this:-
Why do we as women ignore our souls?? Our instincts?? Have we forgotten the simple belief that each of us is
intricately entwined with and attached to our God? That the part of God which
is Spirit attaches to our souls?
Different religions call it different things: but the principal is the same,
when we touch God, He moves in our Souls.
Knowing this:
What’s the reasoning for the girls first
tossing Blue Beard amongst themselves?
Our Mothers:
From when we were little girls, we instinctively
and intuitionally looked up to our mothers. If Mom said NO. It was a NO – NO was a full sentence – tee hee- until we reached the terrible threes and began
to question all her No’s, Nays, and Nevers in all languages including this
English that came to Kenya via a Ship. This NO struggle may have continued until
we were in our late teens and sometimes into our twenties. But, if you
‘brought’ a boy home and Mathe didn’t
utter an outright NO, then it meant he was approved of. Simple.
The mother of these two girls, despite
Blue Beard being downright ugly and weird and having a nasty reputation with
women, still encouraged him to woo her daughters. Honestly, what insane type of
mother are you going to be? I cannot forgive my mother for my marrying a Blue Beard– because
there’s nothing to forgive – she had actually warned me but I paid no heed and I
cannot resist looking back and asking, what kind of stupid chit was I?? yah.
Honey’s – My life is open. I write these
things so you don’t have to go
through the same heartaches. Daughters, pay heed to your mothers when it comes
to MARRIAGE. Dating – well – it’s DATING (just don’t fuck around) and that’s
fine, but a lasting committed relationship such as marriage ata kama ni come-we-stay’ isn’t something to be taken
lightly. If Mom doesn’t like it – shy
away.
(And with this New Marriage Bill – Haki ya Ngai, LADIES – write and make
him sign a PRE NUPTIAL AGREEMENT!!!)
Ok. Continuing….
BUT???
HELLO.. what of the mom who is as ridiculous
as the woman above? A word … (okay – words)
to present day Mama’s with daughters aged 17 - 60. Don’t be stupid. Get out of your bubble and look
hard at life. Even if you’re involved in church or some religious organization/work
or involved in your hubby’s business up to your eyeballs, there are times when
you’ve just got to realize that you may be so martyr or business bound that
you’re of no earthly good to your daughters.
Do
not throw your daughters (or sons) into a Blue Beard Relationship. Even if - AND – ESPECIALLY IF - your own mother threw
you into one. Let the curse stop. Let your NO be NO and your YES be YES. NO by
the way, once again becomes the full sentence it was when your daughters were 2
and 3.. If that doesn’t work – listen to your instincts. Don’t pull wool over your
children’s eyes or let yourself be dazzled by ‘Dubai glitter’. Many an abuser
is a CHARMER.
Daughters of all ages??
Nyakio’s Out Of The Box Advice:
Years ago, I saw the BLUE, heard the
RUMOURS and still got dazzled and allowed myself to be taken into my Blue Beards’
mansion. I didn’t listen to my mother (who for once in her life was right,
albeit for the wrong reasons). And when my Blue Beard gave me the keys to HIS
cupboards where he kept his skeletons, I lied to myself and danced outside with
the keys in my hand, tripping and skipping in happiness ~ announcing to the
world – SEE, HE MUST LOVE ME, HE TRUSTS ME. And I swore to him that I’d keep
his trust and not open the ‘little cupboard’. But – we are women. At some point
in our life we resolve we in our ‘maturity’ we want to take a closer look at
his skeletons. Or they are flung in our face. Or we lie to ourselves that we
can ‘change’ our man.
Oh how foolish are all the above
notions!!
Yet had I not instinctively tossed this
man back and forth in my head, just like the girls in the story tossed Blue Beard
back and forth amongst themselves….Wasn’t my first instinct to … have absolutely
nothing to do with Blue Beard?
Sigh…
Instincts:
If you balked at the first, keep
balking. Don’t let anyone, whether it’s your mother, your best friend or the
Pastor or Obama, or the Dalai Lama OR - most of all the original person, lure you into walking where you don’t wish to go –
or, as the popular maxim warns, ‘don’t go walking where Angels fear to
tread’. You and me have NO POWER to change anyone except ourselves and it’s
a lie when we are encouraged by other blond friends (apologies to all witty blonds), ‘oh – he’ll change for you if he loves you’.
Bullcrap. Even you won’t change - and of late us ladies demand to be accepted as
we are and as we were found. ‘If you found me in a bar’, I hear young wives
argue today, ‘why do you want me to change my modus operandus and go to church?’
True. Harsh but true. So then why do we think we can ‘change’ our male Blue
Beards with ‘just our love’. That’s plain .. stupid.
Btw. Allow this principal - of listening to your first instinctive head-rush - apply to other areas of your
life as well, be it buying a car or that job that seems like it will escalate
you into COMFORT ZONE A++. If initially your spirit and soul was sickened and
you felt down in the dumps about the whole ISSUE – then leave it down there in
the dumps – don’t pick it up.
Life is too short to be drawn into Blue
Beards Castle and in all honesty, life isn’t a party inside those castles. The
key really does bleed . And once it
starts bleeding – it doesn’t stop. We can hide it and wipe the blood off the
key with our skirts and wipe it and wipe it and wipe it and hide it but – the bleeding
just bloody goes on and on. In reading the Blue Beard story I trembled at the parallels
of many a modern woman’s story – yes, including my own.
If you’re in a Blue Beard Castle – get out.
Now.
It really is possible to live a
fulfilled happy life outside Castle
Walls.
Nyakio J.
Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© April 2014
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