SEXY PUNDA

“Loving someone is not an excuse into bullying them into doing what you want them to do.”

It’s amazing how this argument does not bear credence in an environment where the average membership age is 50+, and especially when it concerns parents and their offspring…. You’ve all seen it, heated arguments between parent and ADULT offspring that ends up with both sides being offended, hurt and probably grievously wounded. 

But parent/child relationship aside, check this out:

FAMILY:

• ·      Spouses
• ·      Bff
• ·      Siblings
• ·      Lovers/ or FwB (as a friend of mine calls them…)
• ·      Teenagers
• (yes, teens bully their parents all the time, it’s an inbuilt mechanism that’s in all of them so they learn how to push parents away so as to gain independence….)
• *any adult that lives under your roof.

Bullying, quiet honestly, calls for a nasty relationship – it doesn’t matter who the bully is - using love as an excuse is a pitiable pretext. And the offended party, although probably quieter,  is usually the one who is more injured. Oh, don’t take me wrong!  The bully is also injured, but it’s a different viewpoint. Theirs is a Sexy Punda ATT. Most likely, with their Rose-coloured-sunglasses they stand on a ledge above the bullshit, so they don’t really perceive the true reality of what the offended is wading in. Oh, and most likely they have a clothes peg stuck on their noses, so they can’t smell the shit either! This being the case, they usually say, “if you don’t do this my way, you can stick down there”,… now that’s really inhuman (and gross!!) isn’t it?

Refusal of their terms usually makes the bully feel ‘hurt’, the ego is prodded and they walk off in a proud huff (this is a mild case) and despite telling the world that they LOVE whoever they are aggressively pushing into their warped space pod that promises to get them to the moon in 2 seconds, they are often overheard spewing and spitting  remarks like: “huh, Let’s see if they will make it on their own!!!!”, or  “what’s wrong with that idiot/fool/ refusing to listen to ME, it’s to their detriment!!” and the worst of all, “let them fail. I won’t help them!” Pigheaded and refusing to shift from their distorted viewpoint, they remain standing alone – stubbornly- in the middle of the road when all traffic has long passed by. -  “Sexy Punda”

No wonder we as a human race are sardonic about the true meaning of LOVE.

What are friends for if they can intimidate and prod you into submission? Rather keep my enemies – at least with them I’m on full time guard. Lower that helmet and you get shot in the brain by a friend or family. And most of the time the nature of the one being bullied is usually sweeter and more generous in nature than the bully. Gosh, why am I stating the obvious??

So, if you genuinely love them, how do you get someone to do what you want them to do without practically throwing a brick at them?

Why is this article so violent?

Lmao.

NYAKIO’S ADVICE:

Answer to Question up there: Step off the ledge and wallow in the slimy stuff is one. If you can’t do that, (yes, it IS gross….) then give them a hand up and talk reasonably while still on the edge of the ledge.  Why not further down the ledge? Because that’s misleading someone. If you pull them off the ledge and turn and walk away towards relative security, they will follow you. If you stop abruptly HALFWAY and turn around, laying out rules, then it will be taken as hostile. But there, right on the edge, that is a more definitive spot that makes it clear that ‘I’ve pulled you out, now the rest is up to you’. That’s the place where you hand out your Golden Rule Book.

Note: Don’t push them back if they still refuse your terms, however irritating they may be.

(And put the brick down. Better yet, throw it into the slime…)

From the edge of the ledge, just turn around and walk away and hope + pray for their best. If they drop back into the slimy stuff, well, then, that’s a whole new (shit) game…

As Stubborn as a Sheep

I love this weather in Nairobi, it’s positively freezing… and I usually go for a walk in the evening  before sun down – just as the wind turns and becomes bitterly cold and chilly. Love it! Love it, love it… so juzi, while I was walking back, give or take a few minutes before darkness hit, I spotted, ahead of me, a man pulling at something. Couldn’t quite make out what ‘it’ was, but the man was tugging at a rope with two hands, his whole body leaning backwards in the effort it took to pull that rope. Why did the image of a sheep pop into my head? Maybe I heard the braying before I saw it.. a quarter size of the man, probably weighing about 45kg, the dumb animal had stiffened it’s legs and refused to budge. Kabisa. I didn’t know whether to laugh or help. I did neither, because as I walked closer, I saw that the man was not of a small build, but very stocky. So why couldn’t he pull his sheep? He weighed thrice tiny me. (2), it was getting darker by the second and he was headed in the opposite direction to LKW*. Nah… I shook my head.  I was of no help…

 I walked on by,  and as I did so, the sheep-puller, shouting and throwing curses, raised his closed fist in the air and proceeded to wallop the animal with a …. Sisal rope…

I burst out laughing.  Was he serious? A sheep - feeling pain?

Hahahahahahaha!!

Two quick thoughts flew into my head.

A. No wonder JC called us humans ‘sheep’. Stubborn. Refusing to move. Small and tirelessly obstinate, people and family are so irritating when it comes to them not seeing your point of view. Not knowing who the boss is.

B. That sheep feel no ‘pain’ as we perceive pain. Horses do, dogs do, maybe cows do, (scratch head)- but Sheep? Covered in a BLANKET of Wool? Hitting with A sisal rope?? Lmao.

Seriously…..

The third thought was the genesis of this article.

Cabbages and Carrots

Question: How do you get a stubborn person into your space-pod? You have extended your hand, they are out of the slime and  are on the ledge, but not yet inside the confines of your flying shiny space-craft that will whizz them into a brighter future.

Answer:  first by understanding that your concept of pain and aggression is not shared by them. You see persuasion. They see something entirely different and will not budge. You will drive yourself into a Sexy Punda catatonic fit by trying to bully your ___________ to see things your way. You’re not a Slave Trader, talented with how to flick your wrist and swing a whip, so flogging anyone into submission shouldn’t flitter through your mind as a viable option.

Plus you will turn them away, sometimes just emotionally and when they can, 8/10, physically. They move away from you. The 2 that are left are plotting your death.

Lmao.

 My final Question: How would my sheep-puller have gotten the silly sheep to follow him without him pushing, pulling, prodding , picking up and carrying or thrashing (both physically and vocally)  the poor animal into moving?

If you do come up with an honest answer for that, land the answer in the reply box below.

Note: The answer will speak volumes on behalf of your Potential to becoming a Non-Bully.

I had thought ‘incentive’ - the proverbial ‘carrot on a stick’, but because this is a sheep, maybe a cabbage leaf would work better….

Using sheep as a really poor example, would it work for us humans?

Maybe it will work in your situation…. Dangle an incentive. You love them, or so you say. So think hard… what type of incentive? Carrots or cabbages?

If this still doesn’t work, then again, walk away… because people aren’t  sheep.

*LKW - Lord knows where.

NYAKIO MUNYINYI-OKALLO © MAY 2013

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