EMOTIONAL CROOKEDNESS

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Plucking Your Eyes Out

A lovely friend sent this to me with the notation above it: “This story touched me”.

“There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. In fact, she hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She often complained to her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I would marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. He asked her,’ Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'  The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them for the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears and many days later sent a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'”

The End.

It’s a tear jerker story…

Sad right?

But so true.

I’m talking about the guy who plucked his eyes out for his girlfriend.

Honestly I have a million words for her but none of them are good - so let me focus on the dude, sawa?? He’s the one I am feeling for. Deeply. Immensely. Because I have done this a few million times in my short life, and be true - male or female… yes – you - who is reading this…how many times have you done that for someBODY? A friend, a lover, spouse, a family member, son, daughter – you’ve Plucked out your Eye and given it to someone who trod on your generosity. Shocker. You Sacrificed (with a capital S) hours, days, (time) money, friendships -  for a person you love, and you got back – let’s see – I’m looking for a nice word here – (@£$£@)….error 401. (Search for nice word failed. Please reload page)

Don’t lie to yourself, say out loud, ‘been there, done that’.

Bad.

We all get hurt by people at one point or another and wondered why we’re so flipping mad later on. Mad, sad, depressed, we feel taken for granted, used, abused, tossed aside like so much TP (toilet paper..)  

I’ll tell you why. Because when you gave your all away… you got back crap.

Tick one. Abuse – both physical and mental, insults, contempt, scorn, disdain, revulsion, pity. All because you excruciatingly and painfully gave your beautiful black eyes away, and when that friend could see – they would look at your face with utter revulsion.

Ever been asked that horrid question ..’why did you do that?? I didn’t ask you to!’..

Hmmmm….

Here is what this unfortunate story taught me:

1. Never take on another person’s Burden. They’re not yours. Simple. If by thinking you are being helpful and begin to carry someone’s burdens.. guess what, who gets exhausted, depressed, worn out and worn in? Duh. You.

2. Learn to Study people. If someone is a  constant complainer – distance yourself emotionally – and relegate them to the far reaches of your emotional borders. Or put them in your cerebral Refugee Camp. Create one!! Build a concrete wall and put Ng’ombe-triple razored barbed wire on the top of the wall - so the complainers can’t cross to you.

3. Often, when people’s status changes, they forget those who stood by them when they were in pain.

Hmmm….

Girl is blind and hates herself. Her burden, is her Blindness.

How many friends do we have who have a burden – be it ill health or lack of work, or a bad boss, or a psychotic spouse - or some other dire need, and we’re like, oh man, I wish I could help them? Yes BG (Blind Girl) had a real problem. She couldn’t see and really wished she could. But her very nature was also problem – she was a grouch. Eeeh.  She complained. She grumbled, protested and whined. And she hated. .. she didn’t consider accepting her situation and learn to live with it. Or do something with it. Don’t excuse her and automatically say, ‘she was blind, what could she do?’ There are plenty of blind people who have risen above their circumstances. And not just visually impaired persons…

We all have friends/heros/heroines who are in horrid, dire circumstances and yet they still have radiant personalities – so sunny, joyful and content that it would be hard to tell that they have any kind of lack in their life. And we love them for that – we seek them out. We want to bask in their ‘lack - less’ lives. We would rather keep company with laughter and ‘scarcity’ than misery and resources/abundance.

Tuko pamoja?

ATT matters..(ATTITUDE)

Let’s go back to BG. She’s blind and let’s assume, we’re the dude… she must be one fly girl. Let me add up the assumptions and say that he’s also blind to her qualities because which man goes for a grouchy complaining gal as hot as she may be? Maybe she was loaded?? Hmm… No, a guy who is into a chika for her chapa won’t remove an eye. Gold diggers loooouuurv themselves!! Hahahahaha. So this must be one NICE dude to overlook BG’s defects, plus popular belief is: If YOU LOVE SOMEONE:

We should help shoulder each others burdens.

Rubbish

Opposites Attract

Rubbish

Try Harder

huh??

(I have this funny look on my face…..)

So. Mr Nice BF did. Him seeing, her blind (opposites attract theory) and carrying her mzigo (We should help shoulder each others burdens theory) and trying so hard to bear the pain. Can we bet the outcome of this story if she was lame and he gave her his legs??

Btw, in society.. ‘nice gentle’ girls go for grouchy men and ‘nice gentle’ men go for utter bitches. Excuse my language. Unfortunately, the human personality such that nice people wish and want to make others as happy and content as they are, to see the world as they do – to ‘share’ their joy and therefore sacrifice something to show their loving kindness and tender concern for them. Hoping ….eesh… hoping is too small a word – EXPECTING – that what they do for them, them will one day – reciprocate.

Misleading equation:

They (nice) + (nice deeds2 grouch) = (nice deed)

Reality

They (nice) + (nice deeds2 grouch) = (nice deed)÷(rejection X (+ crap)

(X) stands for (multiplication)

hahahahahahaa!!

What is to reciprocate? It is to counter, it’s ‘Tit for Tat’ , it’s to respond, to return, share and interchange in EXACTLY the same manner. ‘An eye’ for an ‘eye’ a ‘tooth’ for a ‘tooth’ but in love.  BG’s boy wanted marriage and love. The forever-after ‘zamani za kale’  Cinderella Story. He forgot the wicked witch theory – and so do you and I. We forget that sometimes, we cannot change others, we cannot expect a mere girl/boy/man/woman to change and care for us in the same ‘tit for tat’ way –  even if we love them Blindly.

They don’t.

Love us Blindly that is.

Only God does that. Am not here to preach so I won’t go down that path…. Those of you who understand, Kudos, those of you who don’t – well ya, duh. Get a Bible.

BG had a burden, a heavy one, and only God can help us to  carry those burdens. We can ease someone’s burden in whichever way we seek to, but, therein lies the quandary… how far is too far to carry someone’s burden?

Is Plucking your eyes out too much?

So… boys n gals… whose burden do you wish to ease… before you go plucking your eyes out, ask yourself three simple questions.

·      Do you want to pluck your eye out? (Or is it society demanding it of you?

·      Do you EXPECT in return? (If so, what exactly?)

·      IF you don’t get IT (expectation), will you be annoyed, in despair, feel used and abused, taken for granted? Will you be sad, distressed, in emotional pain and will you give up on that friendship/relationship? Will your sacrifice stop you from living a full and joyful life without bitterness?

·       

If you answer “yes” to even ONE of the above, eerr… chick, dude, don’t pluck your eye out for NO BADY!! (weka t’wang)

But if your sacrifice is SELF LESS, and you will be full of joy and love inspite of knowing that you will be blind forever, despite knowing that the receiver of your ‘eyes’ will despise your now certain blindness -  and you don’t mind, then go ahead.

Cheerfully Pluck Your Eyes Out. And don’t send them a caustic ‘take care of they used to be my eyes’ note…

Quote by William Shakespeare - an English poet and playwright, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world's pre-eminent dramatist. He is often called England's national poet and the "Bard of Avon". Wikipedia

© NYAKIO MUNYINYI for The XpenSieve Report. Nov 2013