Straight out chit chat from
the right flank. Or left - if you’re
left handed – but this is true, isn’t it?? Lmao. Comments!!!
So this thing about men
being like dogs and chickas like cats
is all erroneous and downright counterclockwise – I think it’s the other way
round – Yap, women are like DOGS and men are the CATS…..read on…
Have you ever seen a chika new in love – and btw - it doesn’t matter how old or young
said female is…!!?? She hangs around her man like a dog.. tail wagging
incessantly ..following her man everywhere. As long as she’s around him, she’s reasonably
content. She stands still and chill when they’re together and he meets a buddy,
she sits quietly where he sits, is patient, listens quietly even if she has no
idea wtf he’s saying – she will sit
in a car chilling, or sit in the bar, listening to him with his ‘boys’. A gal,
like a dog, assesses situations carefully. She checks out her mans friends,
sniffing them quietly. If she doesn’t like them, like a dog she will tolerate
them on his behalf, but won’t go out
of her way to make friends. If she likes them, well, she’s just plain friendly
to them, to the point that like dogs, the owner looks at his friend and asks,
‘it’s wat my ka dog likes you so
much?’ lmao!!
But if the dog outright
continues to growl low in the throat - you know that low low growl - yap, women have them too – letting the man know
without a doubt – I don’t like this
friend!! Women have that ‘way’ about
them, just like dogs. of telling her man uh uh – but, if he insists, she reluctantly
settles down and lowers her hackles – but still keeps a watchful eye – not on
her man – but on her man’s buddy…
By the way, have you
noticed how dog owners calm down visitors to their homes – when the dog rumbles?
It’s a two-way discussion – to the dog, it’s ‘calm down! This is a friend!’ and
to the visitor it’s – ‘ she’s all bark and no bite – let her sniff your hand’.
Then there’s the proverbial question before you visit your buddies house, “mbwa kali yupo?” in reference to… duh..the
madam….
Lmao!!
Women, like
dogs, are predominantly loving but also very protective of their ‘owners’ - growling and displaying an ugly flank when
any perceived suspicious
person approaches their man. Here we’re talking about strangers. Read: Women. When a female comes to
your door and mama opens the door, it’s like, ‘who are you? What do you want?
You’re from where? You know my man how?...... they tend to protect their
boundaries from – new dogs – these
new dogs aren’t allowed anywhere near her man or home… there’s a pissing
boundary and other dogs ain’t allowed to cross that pee line - and if they insist
– wah, it’s a real bitch of a dog
fight!!
But.. she can hang out
with her former gal friends to kingdom come - if she can escape the house she will be all over the neighbor
hood having the time of her life with her buddies, and… when it’s time to part
ways jioni, they don’t all troop into
her compound… uh uh… they go their separate
ways.. Weird, women are also extremely faithful - when you kick your poor dog it
crawls back to you, belly down. Over and over again.
Leave a dog at home and
when Mr. Owner comes back the dog is all over him, jumping, barking, wagging
it’s tail and running round in circles, like ‘’I’m so happy to see you!!” They
don’t care that they might make your suit all muddy.. they’re just happy to see
you… a gal in love with her man jumps on him when she sees him… like a dog, she
runs in circles around him, making him dizzy, exuberant in her excessive
temperament, welcoming him home, fetching slippers and asking for hugs, plus kisses
on her sweaty smelly nose coz she’s just stepped out of the kitchen. Ignore her
and like a dog… she will whine and retreat with a mournful face, looking over
her shoulder at you. Later on she will cautiously approach you, sit near you,
quietly assessing your mood, hoping and waiting for a single pat on the head…
Other ways gals be like
dogs…. every so often, they are loud and incessantly noisy. Barking
endlessly - especially when you need
some peace and silence. When the moon
is up… oh man oh man, do your neighbors dogs keep you awake as they wail all
night… am I wrong?? Hahahahaha!!
Sorry ladies, but when tantrums hit, gal-friends and boyfriends alike are kept
awake with the relentless howling and wailing …. Phone calls, whatsapp or
facebook chats, click click click – ding! Incoming messages! Click click click!
Ding! (or whistle on your Samsung..) don’t be surprised if a gal
calls you at 2 in the a.m. with a horror story that you’re supposed to listen
to!! Or read!! Lmfao!!
Women, like dogs - love bones - weka ‘gifts’ hapo. Give a gal a gift and she’ll wag her tail and
bend over backwards on her knees for you (or
forwards..) – and the bigger the bone the happier the dog. Women thrive on
attention, on loads of petting (yap!) and they love ‘treats’ - especially
surprise treats… and oh!! If you leave her with a real huge and agreeable
treat, and disappear for a couple of days, she’s quite chill. But leave her bila food and necessities - and – acha,
when you get home and open that door, dude
that bitch can eat you alive!
The Kool Cats
Niggas be like Kool
cats. Cool, calm and collected… A cat is never ruffled. Ever. hmm, unless... it's been chased by a dog - but normally a cat is a cool character.. And most cats are
so into themselves. Hours. Hours.
Hours… have you watched a cat grooming itself… men quietly groom themselves – and
(unlike women) they don’t make a fuss about it – they will just do it. You
notice new shoes, haircut, new shirt, new car – bought very quietly. Bought ‘Alone’.
Cats and Niggas be loners in certain situations. They don’t hack interference.
Uh Uh. Especially when stalking prey – they do it with feline grace. First they
observe their prey. Quietly. They go all still while their one-track-mind is
focused and wah, when a cat jumps on
the prey – it hardly misses.
But when it
does….Lmao!! That cat is so frustrated!! Hahahahahahahahaaa!! Gets a funny look on
it’s face, like, how did I miss THAT fine piece of … mouse..?? LMAO!!
Niggas - like cats - also know how to retreat
appropriately. If it’s dangerous, cats retreat. They won’t go there. At all!!
Other ways that cats are also very still and silent is like your man - you won’t know when he's home. He’s
over by the corner or in the study or whatever… quiet, doing his thing. Cats
though - they can be sneaky. And devious – you never know what’s on a cat’s mind.
You might think – cat’s with me… you turn around and the cat is up a tree and
you didn’t even know how it got there. Tee hee hee!! And the Nine lives?? Niggas
be reckless like crazy!! If it can be done, dude will do it. The wackier the
deed – the better - Mind you, curiosity
killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Again and again. Lmao… does that remind you of some guys you
know? You wonder, why does he even do
that?? They go places and do that whacky wild stuff or chase the
impossible chick or quit work suddenly - actions where you’d think they would
die but they emerge smiling - hitching their pants up and kabisa practically crooning.. or rather – purring….
Ladies, ‘Fat’ cats are content,
especially the ‘house’ ones - they won’t eat the … mouse in the house (in front
of you .. take note), but there won’t be rats or lizards or any nasty stuff in
your home either. And if you ‘tame’ him enough, he’ll be content to stick around the
house. Feed him, groom him. Give him everything he needs and he’ll always come
home and even purr when you tickle him under the chin or just rub his back. But
even then, sorry, he’s thankless..
he’ll take off once in a while and you may notice that the neighbours new batch
of kittens kinda look like your cat!!
Now, if you have a special breed of cat, you might seek compensation… but
you’ll need Proof that that’s your precious cat’s bloodline!!! Hahahahaha!!
Cats also sleep a lot..
and dare you wake a cat up from it’s nap… it will look at you, move to another
spot where you can’t get at it… and …. sleep.. but, it may wake up and disappear
at night.. after all cats, like most guys, are nocturnal.
A gutter cat is a
gutter cat is a gutter cat. You can’t tame it. Ever. Take that dude home and
girl… wow, trouble!! They are bad news… first off, they will look at you
suspiciously every single move you make. And will steal from you while looking at
you sideways - plus -
they will leave every night, coming
home in the wee nocturnal hours and sleeping the whole darn day. Have you lived
in a housing estate where - when the cats are in heat you can’t sleep for all
the screeching?? Lmao. What’s the name of the song?? “the Neighbours’ know His
name!!” That’s your man in there and no… he doesn’t give a damn – you go
collect your cat and you may end up being scratched. You see… unlike dogs, you
kick your cat, or pull it’s tail, or try to train it - it doesn’t matter how
long it’s been your cat, it will draw your blood. Dudes, like cats, resent
restrictions and whether it’s a street, gutter, or fat cat – read human male - you can’t tie a cat down – Hell NO! Cats are
faithless, arrogant and proud, just like many a dude… if a cat stays in your
house, it’s because it desires to,
not because you’ve tied it down.
And if that cat
leaves, it rarely, if ever, comes back…
And finally… have you
ever seen a dog when it’s chasing a cat?? It’s ferocious… and if the cat is
lucky, it springs up to a level where the dog can’t pounce on it …. When being
chased, that cat has the same darn expression as a dude who is running from
marriage or some chika he doesn’t
want to be with…!!! Hahahahaha…. If the cat gets to a tree branch or roof top where
the ‘bee-aich’ cannot… it looks at
said dog with a cool guise like, ‘uta-do??!!’
As for the dog.. if it
catches the poor cat, woiyee, what
follows is sad .. basically that cat’s life is over - metaphorically and figuratively...
But if it doesn’t, the ‘poor’ dog sits under the spot where the cat has leaped
for safety and howls like crazy because…. Well…the cat got away!!
Lmao…
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Nyakio J Munyinyi for The xPenSieve Report © January 2014
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