I'm Feeling Bitchy Today!

I'M feeling very bitchy today...

It is so damn stereotypical for people to assume that if a woman is looking hot it must be because her 'man' has done something right.
Either he's treating her right …
Or he's banging that pussy daily…
Aki, I feel like swinging my chair. Hard.  In someone's face.
And hearing a crunch.
Because we women do get offended at those half-baked sentences handed out when we're looking good, or have bought a car, a plot, a house, or have achieved a tremendous goal, or just simply come to work on Monday looking fresh, fab-u-lishous and oh-so-fine, and the sentence that's spewed out is a venom coated back-handed statement masquerading as a compliment.

Oh I like your new look..

..............grab chair....

Hmm.... so, he's treating you right huh? You're looking really good!

.............gathering momentum when swinging chair.....

Oh he got you a new car? Aki your dude loves you...

............. gathered enough momentum to hurl chair....

wow, honey, you surely got some this weekend, you look so darn good..

......................hurl chair and hear satisfying crunch to head

walk away with a swagger.

Ladies, who can feeeel me?

[it’s sad that the italicized only happens in my head..but did you know the brain can’t tell the difference between what’s real and imagined? Yes, that’s why a good read can make your heart go thump thump, or a horror story keep you up at night.. so, if I swing a chair at some idiot and hear a satisfying crunch, I’ll walk away with a smile when they insult me.hehehehee… moving on]

So, tell me why I can't [yes, you... I'm pointing at you and gyrating my neck..] - so tell me why, as a gorgeous woman, why I can't - look after myself, take myself on a vacation, tour Kenya's finest lodges, buy a car or Speed-Bike AND look amazingly good -  and be SINGLE?

Why does my 'looking good' or 'doing anything positive' have to come attached with the label of MAN, or.. SHE GOT SOME?

Boys n gals, the days of the SINGLE older woman looking like a depressed, miserable wrinkled belly-touching boobs, badly dressed foul smelling, hair falling, tooth spitting hag are OVER. 

From: Sea Hag by Bryan Baugh

as in…..
OVER..

… it's such an old old-school mentality, in fact, it's in the era of Conan the Barbarian, so don’t subscribe to that RSS newsfeed. Male and female, just stop tagging yourself and your friends or posting about it. And it's not just the J Lo's and those plasticasized-surgery American stars, [not hating, just saying] who look good nowadays, it's homegrown, plastic-less, good-old GMO-LESS Kenyan Women over 45, can I hear a Woooooooo!!??

[Blame it on the water we drank back in the early 60's.]

I'm not a feminist and I don't endorse to a no-man/men are dogs society belief. I'm just a crazy woman who's always spoken her mind , and said it as it is. And one thing I'd like men and women alike to stop is this short-sighted-ness of thinking that a women will die and wither and disintegrate without a man in her life- excuse me!

Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaa.... you kno?

Feelin' Bitchy by Millie Jackson Album Art

Or that if we’re looking good now it's an invite for hyenas to come sniffing around. Dude, I look good, I'm NOT DEAD MEAT. OR WOUNDED, so stop sniffing!

eff off!

Ladies appreciate an honest compliment where and when one is due. Yes, there are Men out there who look good, know how to cook, can absolutely look after themselves, all  without a WO.

Same goes for women.  We can "Wo!"
... without the man.

Girls, where are you? Do you gots my back?

 

A word..

Single women? Yes, there's loneliness. There's also a beautiful sense of accomplishment, of achievement, of self-pride, of walking like Jane-Walker, Laura Croft-Tomb Raider efficiencyness, of  alone.ness, me-time, and loving my own company, completely wallowing in a hot steamy tub of sweet-scented self love. It's pure magic. It's also rejuvenating, taking the time and care to  lovingly soothe and nourish our souls, our bodies, our hearts.

Being SINGLE is: not being distracted by some MANs issues and history.

This statement ALSO applies to MEN. Being single is not being distracted by some WOman’s issues. Being single is learning to love your SINGLE , or ONE self, IN SHORT, being single is a fantastic opportunity to learn how to love ONE self.

I'm not a man hater. I love guys. But.. dude, you don't have to be there ALL THE TIME in order for me to be great and gorgeous... I mean, yes, it's good to have someone to be concerned about, to feed someone, love another - so as to not be selfish?
Go buy a dog.

Why the single woman? There's a thousand million reasons, each unique to the individual woman, but the thing is this - we all go through our singleness for a SEASON, whether the season is a month, a year or 10 years. And it would behove the rest of you to understand that, as contentious as it may be.

And Wives, stop being shaky jealous, mindless slugs in front of beautiful and gorgeous single women... aki. we don't want your men...

[And those single women who do KNOWINGLY go for married men are detested by the rest of us, they simply mess our reputations.... but that's another story for another day]

Meanwhile, point is...

As Wo!'s we are often exceptionally and superbly capable when the situation warrants, at other times we're just plain lazy or simply not bothered, hence we look for a dude to do the job. But, when a single woman does DO good for herself by herself, AND looks good for herself BY herself, then give her a wholehearted genuine-stamped compliment and don't go looking for a man behind or beside her!

Accept the 2014 million dollar fact. 

Single women don't always need a hand from a man...

AND…

WEAK men are the only ones intimidated by Strong Women.

FACT.

So if there’s a man buzzing about like a fly on dead meat whenever you achieve any form of brilliance greatness – smash that thing and sashay off. Really.

Girls, it doesn’t matter how YOUNG or OLD you are, you can achieve greatness just by being female. Look at the Nobel Prize Winner this year, the young girl called Malala, or look at Wangari Mathai  - you are GREAT, you are exemplary just as you are - as a woman both of these being examples of both YOUNG and OLD and non-Caucasian, and I’m sure you have some heroines in YOUR book. Go ahead, it’s not too late to BE.

DO:

Get up and feel awesome because you’re beautiful

Buy make-up and experiment with colour, shades and tones

Buy clothes that suit your body, in colour, texture and flow. Buy silk that will silky caresses your skin, soothing and pampering it, buy airy cottons that cool you down when it’s hot and cosset you when it’s cold

Walk with a swag – if you need heels, wear them! But you can swagger in low-heeled boots, sandals and sneaks too!

Exercise daily

Eat what’s right for YOU

Be intelligent and don’t hide it. Skiza, the worms will be revealed faster – worms being those who cannot cope with your intelligence. And when the worms show up – well – we’re intelligent, deal with those worms as necessary!

Be yourself on every level – Spiritual, Soul and Brainiac. Hmm? Ever thought of that?

God made you uniquely you and knows YOU – whoever your GOD is, be proud of who God made you to be and be proud of where he placed you! God made me a woman in Africa, and by GOD, I’m so effing proud to be a black African woman IN AFRICA – I’m not going to try and get away and be ‘American’ or ‘European’, that’s NOT WHO I AM.

By the way, I did - at first in my youth, oh how I hated aspects of myself! So I tried to run from myself - and didn’t that NOT work or what?!

– it doesn’t matter where you go or how far you move away from [insert ‘it’ here], you’re still you. So get away from shitty situations that don’t give you peace, yes, and get away from toxic situations, yes, but always remember that wherever you go, you’re still you. So love you. Love yourself first.

Count your blessings, every single hour. It makes a terrific difference in life. I know, I’ve practiced it in the last 11 months and the benefits are amazing! Let me tell you, there’s nothing so hot as silencing an entire room just by walking in, hahahahahahaha…. YES, I’m being bitchy, but really, counting your blessings shows up not only Spiritually and souly, but also PHYSICALLY.

It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, the above principals work for us all. Get a goal for tomorrow and stick to it. That’s it. Don’t do 6 month goals, boring, you’ll fail. Just get ONE for TODAY. Basi. Then in the evening think of a goal for the next day. ONE. Really. Why bog yourself down and tire yourself by aiming for 365 things for one day? You’re NOT SUPERWOMAN, don’t listen to what the song says, and nobody should tell you otherwise. YOU are you, so get one goal. If it’s to be EASY the whole day, then BE EASY whatever comes your way. If it’s to be HAPPY, then smile all day and be happy and look for the laugh in all you do, the whole day, whatever comes your way. It may sound incredibly hard, but it’s easy like fuck. Seriously….. hahahahahaaaa….

So, be a Bitch today. And tomorrow, and the day after that.....

 

Nyakio J. Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© 2014

[Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to xPenSieve© with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Headline banner design by NJMunyinyi.]

The Difficulty of Saying Yes to Yourself

... it's an art.

and it is hard.

I used to constantly negate my life by beginning my sentences with, 'No, and -  but..' And maybe you do too - just that you don't notice..

What cut with my constant negation is that I kept taking little bits and pieces of my self-esteem out of my life box, ending up with a shell of who I am, who I was, who I HAD THOUGHT I was going to be.

Last year was desperate for me and you know I speak the truth, for those of you who've walked with me, or should I say STAGGERED and STUMBLED because I certainly didn't walk last year. My fine sassy, hip-swinging swagger is new, my head's now held high and my feet -  shod in boots - stomp the hot African dust and make it rise,  as I Nyakio-Walker (Not Johnny Walker) up and down Nairobi's pavements.

I'm in the YES realm. In the Yes mode, switched on and ready to GO GO GO!

It takes a lot.

Despite being told that sometimes we have to shed stuff and start all over, I found out in my dark journey that the real difficultly lay in what I had to pick up. And still have to. Yes, we get broken, yes, we fall and break into a million shattered pieces. That's okay from where I stand and in fact, it's EASY.

It's easy to let go and slide into debauchery and laziness and alcoholism and being an addict and telling the world, IT'S MY LIFE but  that's such a - (excuse my language or close your eyes or stop reading) - MINDFUCK statement. It's the same as constantly saying NO.

It's effin hard to fix that shit that you've laid down for yourself. And no matter, we all do, all of us have made our beds, looked at the made bed and decided, 'I'm not sleeping on THAT'  - and that's okay, you don't have to. But, starting over and buying new sheets - that's the tough bit.

That's where you have to start saying YES.

Start believing in yourself. Despite having horrendous images in your rear view/side mirror - images that you know YOU have caused, you still have to find the ability to say YES to yourself.

Picking up the broken pieces and glue-ing them together and starting all over, heck, don't let anyone tell you that it's easy. It's not. And to make matters worse, as you begin saying YES and putting yourself together, being positive and stepping out and purchasing glue for your parts, that's the point at which your 'friends' depart, you may have NIL support; and Halleluyah! - count on the Nay.sayers collectively joining into a huge fan club to explicitly and purposely put you BACK down, either to your face, or behind your back.

Say YES to yourself anyway.

Invest in yourself anyway. IT'S YOUR LIFE. (lol)

You ARE your best future business bet.
So, INVEST in yourself. Support yourself, begin by doing what is good for you, drop the bad habits whether it's ADDICTIONS or just a simple thing like staying up late.

Watch your language and remove the negative and minuses, unless of course, it's someone who is negating you. In that case, let them negate themselves right out of your life.

But stop negating yourself with; No, I can'ts, It's not for ME's and similar killer statements. Remember, if you were to invest eg, in ManU, and wanted to support them, you'd buy a ticket to go watch them LIVE in the UK, right? That single seat in that club costs money to sit on, and you pay THEM for seating rights. Right?

So, invest in yourself. Cheer yourself, say YES you can score, scream and shout and spend money on FAN CLUB  __________________<------- your name there. Buy yourself your own VIP SEAT.

Get it?

Don't settle for less. It's hard work but one day leads to two leads to three leads to three hundred and sixty five days which is a year.

I KNOW you've heard of the bucket and tap STORY so I won't dwell on it for too long, but yes, if you leave a bucket under a leaking tap, a drop a minute, eventually that bucket will fill. So with your moral, learn to say, YES, I can (duh, sounds so boring but it's true) and YES I WILL, and MEAN IT. Don't say Yes I can! Then mutter a few seconds later, 'aki, but how.....' and end up [al-shabbabing] yourself.

Throw out your terrorist thoughts, police your mind, and reach for the stars, after all like the poster says, there are footsteps on the moon, so whoever says the sky is the limit is a bloody liar!

Nyakio-On-Full-Throttle. If in doubt, flat out.

Nyakio J. Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© 2014

[Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to xPenSieve© with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Headline banner design by NJMunyinyi.]

Suicide ISN'T selfish

I was having this intensely furious debate with a friend of mine who took the stand that suicide is selfish, and I was pulling out what little hair I have, trying to explain that it’s not.

Committing suicide is not selfish – and nowhere near selfish. Why do people use words so randomly? Selfish is a word that connotes a deeply venal person who is mean, nasty and hateful.

Suiciders are gentle, loving, broken people who’ve reached the end of their inner hurt.

Let’s take a walk down the Pain Road:

‘Mafia style’

They’ve sent a collector to you because you haven’t paid your … loan/debt/whatever. If you’re a guy, imagine getting hit in the balls. No, not hit, kicked. Hard. With one of those steel capped boots. Really effing hard, then, when you’re down, the collector bends down and grabs them in his huge meaty hand and squeezes your nuts while he’s grinning at you with his bad silver plated teeth.

I don’t know what your pain levels are, but I’m going to bet that that’s a bad pain, severe enough to make you run like Flash Gordon in the opposite direction if you ever set eyes on that collector again. In fact, if he wasn’t a ‘collector’, you’d bloody look for him and kill him.

I recently heard that in Kinoo Area in Nairobi, robbers and thieves smack watchmen repeatedly on the wrists, knees and shins, with thin pieces of wood. They don’t draw blood. They don’t mutilate. But apparently the pain is so bad that watchmen are found hobbled in the morning, curled up like infants, knee to chin in pain, unable to uncurl themselves let alone walk.

We hear of torture chambers and the evil things that happen in there that are all to do with PAIN. Breaking MEN with PAIN. Breaking men’s souls and spirits with physical PAIN. Wretched physical pain. The ‘good’ thing is that most of those who ended up in those cells, well, a while ago, not in the modern day – were spies - and dudes who had been trained for years on how to resist pain. And if all else failed and they felt the pain was unbearable and that they might give away ‘government’ or agency secrets -  they had a way out -  the cyanide filled ‘tooth’.

If things got too painful, they crunched down hard on the hollow below the fake tooth and burst the cyanide filled capsule and – well – committed suicide. Note: a Cyanide death is a painful death – it’s really painful. And yet the irony is that a cyanide death is less painful than the torture being meted out.

Now, I know pain.

Unfortunately, I was introduced to severe pain at a very young age and it’s dodged me most of my adult life, but nevertheless, I know what I’m talking about regarding physical pain. Something twists in the mind and goes ‘Pop!’ when physical pain is unbearable, hence in hospitals they hand out liberal doses of weed – sorry – morphine - to block the agony because the mind cannot bear certain pain levels and it shuts itself down.

People HAVE died of pain. The best thing about physical pain of any kind, the most FANTASTIC thing about PHYSICAL pain is that people give you sympathy. If you have crawled home with broken nuts after the collector beat you up on the street, your wife or girlfriend will sooth you, make crooning noises, get you hot water to bathe, heat your dinner, etc, and she’ll probably be relieved and sing ‘Halleluyah!’ to Jesus, because for a couple of nights you won’t badger her for sex.

But what if your pain was an EMOTIONAL pain?

In the article I dubbed the ‘Art of Kintsugi, I mentioned that the body cannot differentiate between emotional and physical pain. That’s a major truth. The other mind-blowing reality show is other people’s attitudes when friends have emotional pain.

Those other people disappear. . .

Or.. Those close to you become so like the collector up there, you can hardly tell the difference - they gloat in your face while you’re on the floor writhing with pain. It generally sucks like pure unadulterated stinky crap when you have emotional pain and 98% of your friends do not understand and write you off. Literary. ‘Deal with it’, ‘what’s your problem?’ , ‘do you think you’re the only one with a problem?’

No. I don’t. But right now, I’m hurting. Be kind.

Who can feel me? ADULTS are nasty. Sometimes I found hanging out with kids was so beautiful because they sit next to you and say absolutely nothing. Just sit and stare with you and feel with you and give you strange objects like stones or flowers that are half crushed and say simple words like , ‘you feel sad’, but they don't run away.

Adults can be mean.

Let’s take a 1 minute silence to think of that.

In the short description up there at the beginning about the Mafia hood, the collector is avoided. If you  see him walking towards you, fear rises up your throat like bile, and heck, your feet develop wings like Achilles and you zap round corners and out of sight! If you see a man walking down the road towards you with an aim to kill and mutilate and rob and rape you, what do you do? You run if you're wise - ask war torn refugees in any refugee camp.

Depression isn’t so easy to avoid.

Those prone to depression try. They really do. They try so hard, especially when they see depression sauntering towards them with an evil look of glee on it’s face. Punching meaty fist into it’s other equally meaty hand. Some of us can’t avoid depression. We try and run, we dodge, we hide, but we’re not good at holding at bay that capital D - you may, but those prone to depression sometimes don’t have the necessary tools, gadgets, apps or weapons to avoid depression. So, we try everything - we pay our debts, we do good in society, we clean and cook, we work hard in the office and leave at 9pm, we become overly religious, we’re fixers, jokers, the really ‘nice’ people who care, the ‘looser’ that goes the extra mile, we get a hobby, and if those don’t work, we turn to drugs, or alcohol, or substance abuse, or capsules, or cutting ourselves with razors, or . . . . anything. . .

We try anything and everything to flee from Depression.

But it keeps coming back.

Odd hours. Odd days.

Odd moments.

Sucker punches out of the blue.

And one day, when the pain is too unbearable, when the pain is too great and the heart breaks and there is NO HOPE of bouncing back, when one cannot take it anymore . . .

Suicide is not selfish.

When someone you know wants to talk, and all she or he needs is an ear -  Just give it.

Why you? I don’t know, but if they have reached out to you be honoured and take the time to listen.

Sit with them, don’t give advice, simply sit and give an ear.  

A kind word,

a hug,

 … empathy and your time may just keep one more person away from suicide.

Nyakio J. Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© 2014

[Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to xPenSieve© with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Headline banner design by NJMunyinyi.]

it's a TRUST issue

So this week the general panic amongst women has been all about men behaving badly at Sports Events, and the same women asking the Government to ‘ban’ all forms of drinking and entertainment, so that their men don’t go out and misbehave.. Pshhh… seriously?? Ok, the Machakos Sevens was shock-on-all of us, but, does that really determine the future behavior of our adult men? 

p/s Alcohol consumption was banned during the Kababeri 7’s this weekend, and during all future sporting events.

So I’m sitting here, and pondering, heck, how does one get to that point of desperation over your man/housebound/BFF, whatever… that you SERIOUSLY think that banning scheduled sports events is going to keep Dick in his pants? Let’s not even joke here, I throw my hands up in the air because, frankly, most relationships are so so so… let’s face it – hypocritical.

How many of your friends don’t bitch behind his or her back and say that they wouldn’t trust their partner out of sight?

I heard a woman comment recently about how she trusts that her Long-distance-Boyfriend hasn’t, to date, and won’t sleep around,  and if he does, he would tell her – and she got shot by automatic gunfire from 4 different angles – it hurt to watch, it was a massacre. She couldn’t put in a word edgewise – rat-a-tat-tat, despite trying to defend herself, she was caught defenseless, her arguments shot down, the onslaught continuing, the automatic gunfire so vehement and ferocious, the woman was bleeding in minutes and left to die on the ground.

One trust statement = Death.

And yes, there was the final parting shot that was meant to finish her off, and the woman in question who spat it out gyrated her neck and uttered a loud ‘nkt!’ and promised the poor woman a future full of STD’s.

Yes, we should be careful, but at which point do we as women dig down and destroy a solid relationship that thrives on a foundation of trust and love?

Ask yourself the following:-

Is this then what we do as women, do we sow seeds of hate, rather than of love and admiration?  Do we take isolated Machokos7’s events and throw the mud all over those who weren’t involved, simply generalizing sports fans, then crying Wolf to the authorities?

Desperation makes strange bedfellows, and most consenting adults in Nairobi live together out of – well – desperation. Either she got pregnant, or she had to get married because a.b.c.d.e.f.g…etc, or the parents hounded them with YOU MUSTS.

Few relationships are built on a LOVE thing. Or based on TRUST. When I counsel couples , most say that they cannot have TRUST, whether it’s the emotion, or the condom, both are rarely used within the marital home–  apparently TRUST does NOT factor at all in marriage. I find this truth, sad.

It all falls back to the silliness of suspicions, superstitions and listening to archaic stories or mother-in-laws bad mouthing their sons’ girlfriends and brewing hate. Men, tell your mothers to stop sowing hate seeds, any children from your union with your wife will be your mom's RELATIVES, NOT BY MARRIAGE, BUT BY BLOOD. (yes, you can read that again – children are blood relatives, Mother’s aren’t. So, emotionally, who belongs MORE TO A FAMILY? BLOOD or a legal sanction?)

Moving on….

I can count relationships based on true love and trust with both my hands and unfortunately, the men concerned have been Out of Africa and gotten ‘European’ or ‘Mzungu’ habits….., they are sometimes ridiculed by friends for being ‘kaliad’ like chapatis, and everyone gives strange nasty advice to these fortunate few, advice meant to destroy relationships and not build it up, advice that comes from a background of deep fear and mistrust of the opposite sex, where the opposite sex is the enemy, never a friend, where secrets must be kept and never discussed, where holding hands in public is a sign of being a wimp and where leaning on your spouse for financial, physical or emotional  strength is ridiculed, where the word trust is an oxymoron and where laughing together until your ribs crack and you rush to the loo before the canal bursts is considered idiotic behavior for teenagers.

So, let’s do the next thing and give rotten advice. This is what I hear:-

He did what? Punish him. Give him nil by mouth and jilock sex.

                  Lie to her, don’t tell her you dated 20 women before you met her….

Don’t enjoy sex after marriage  – he will think you’re a whore

                   Why you running home? You’ve been kaliaad like a chapo

You don’t go through his phone? Haiya… you must!

                  Give her money for shopping, Budda, isn’t she working?

Cook him dinner and buy ati a what, ka ‘negli’ who? You’re a mother, throw those things away!!

                  Go out with her WHY? NO! It’s a BOY’s hang, wives not allowed. Take her out next week, if you must…

Girl, why are you ALWAYS with your man, why do you tag around him, don’t you have a LIFE?

                Hugs, kisses? In public? Wifey? Dude, next you’ll be tweeting  #no homo

And the list goes on…

Hence, I can count those I call my irresistible happy couples with both hands. Less than 10.  And I love hanging out with these happy couples. They are so undeniably in love with each other, hardly unable to keep apart for very long. I’m sure you’ve seen them. At some point during the [evening] these love-bird couples re-attach like magnets, coming together from polar ends of entertaining guests, either twinning hands or touching shoulders, or he draping an arm around her chair. It’s a lovely joy to watch.

I once walked round the corner of a homestead where I had gone to celebrate and take photographs at a traditional ‘ngurario’.., Camera strap round my neck,  I was playing ‘hide n seek’ and chasing my niece down a path on the side of the house, and rounding a corner, I bumped into a couple, married for years, in the middle of a kissing tangle. Embarrassed, I made a rude noise, and he looked down at me and said,

‘Nyakio, what’s your problem, I’m kissing my wife!!’.

This then is what we should aspire to, and if we do not attain that level, we shouldn’t become like Lot’s wife and keep peering back over our shoulders in jealousy, or hurt, at those who have been lucky or blessed, or worked their butts off to get such beautiful relationships. Because unfortunately, those that keep looking backwards turn into good-for-nothing pillars of hard-as-rock-salt. Petrified and calcified, these women look nasty, give bitter advice and are sour to the core.

With house-rules that make sex a weapon of war instead of a pathway to love – isn’t it a wonder that their men run-off, looking for peace, joy, and a warm breast to lay their weary heads on? And a copious amount of alcohol to drown the guilt, because, in all honesty, why would a man go looking for samosas with hyena-meat fried in Transmitter oil, nje -  if he has marinated steak at home, served on a table that has good cutlery and with a good chilled wine to boot?

What? In your home you don’t serve wine? Get real. Fine, she will serve him wine. And clap. (pun intended, since there’s no Trust in your home}

BTW: Please explain to me why ‘good cutlery ‘ is ‘only for the guests’ and not for THE HUSBAND?? Why is that DRESS worn only when you’re going out and not worn, braless and pantyless, FOR THE HUBBY?? Doesn’t he have appreciating eyes and wandering hands?

Women, it’s not the government that will stop your men from straying. It’s you who shall rectify that particular problem. It means being real, letting go of situations that are out of your control, reining in that which can be brought into control, accepting what you can change and what you can’t. It’s repeating the Serenity Prayer daily if not every other minute.

Guys, and Honey's, keeping up with the Joneses/Kamau’s is a fake ideology that will ruin your marriage. Don’t let people interfere, no. never. It’s not their problem, it’s your problem so keep THEM ALL out of it, from Pastor to Mother-in-law to best friends to psychiatrists to busybody aunties and interfering nagging grandmothers….

In fact, the less you discuss your problems with others, the stronger that relationship is, the deeper and more beautiful.

And go see a sex therapist while you’re at it. For a deed that’s performed at least 3 times a week, it’s amazing how couples refuse to discuss this-oh-so-intimate subject, yet they will go for courses in mundane stuff like IT and gloss them to perfection to glean points from employers who will sack them at the blink of an eye, but refuse to receive Sex Counseling or attend programs for a lifetime Marriage.

eerr….. NO.

Watching Porn doesn’t count as ‘instructive teaching’, nope.

Ladies, in conclusion, if you despise your man’s touch [and men live to touch], then walk away from that relationship. We’re in 2014, don’t bring archaic rules into your house.

Hate will never ever seduce Love to enter a room.

Neither will lies.

Or selfishness.

Or a lack of trust.

I often say that we were instructed by Christ, to love ourselves FIRST. Only then can we treat others well – for the rule is – treat your neighbor as you would yourself. If you hate and despise yourself honey, you will, underneath it all, hate and despise a whole load of people simply because your foundation is built on hate, desperation and dismay. So let go of the hate and pride and get rocking into a love mode.

As for men who are full of crap and treat women like junk?

Simple.

Nyakio’s Out Of The Box Advice

Yap, there are those guys who are just plain bad. If he keeps going out and messing around, no Government law is going to stop him. No pastor, family friend, counselor, mother, father-in-law or lawyer is going to stop Domestic Violence, Alcoholism, Sex Addiction, Emotional abuse, Breaking Promises, Lies,  Un-forgiveness or a lack of communication… change comes from within a person, not from without.

And like I said up there, if you despise your man’s touch, then why ARE you there? – and don’t hold your children up in front of you as a defense shield.

…. the solution for men who are full of crap and treat women like junk?

Girl, dump It.

Seriously.

Constipation [being full of crap] is bad for the Heart.

I kid you not.

[Constipation is bad for the heart]

further reading: [http://marriage.about.com/od/marriagetoolbox/a/harmfulbehav.htmHarmful behavior in marriage]

Nyakio J. Munyinyi for the XpenSieve Report© August 2014

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