“Loving
someone is not an excuse into bullying them into doing what you want them to
do.”
It’s
amazing how this argument does not bear credence in an environment where the
average membership age is 50+, and especially when it concerns parents and
their offspring…. You’ve all seen it, heated arguments between parent and ADULT
offspring that ends up with both sides being offended, hurt and probably
grievously wounded.
But
parent/child relationship aside, check this out:
FAMILY:
- · Spouses
- · Bff
- · Siblings
- · Lovers/ or FwB (as a friend
of mine calls them…)
- · Teenagers
- (yes, teens bully their
parents all the time, it’s an inbuilt mechanism that’s in all of them so
they learn how to push parents away so as to gain independence….)
- *any
adult that lives under your roof.
Bullying,
quiet honestly, calls for a nasty relationship – it doesn’t matter who the
bully is - using love as an excuse is a pitiable pretext. And the offended
party, although probably quieter, is
usually the one who is more injured. Oh, don’t take me wrong! The bully is also injured, but it’s a
different viewpoint. Theirs is a Sexy Punda ATT. Most likely, with their
Rose-coloured-sunglasses they stand on a ledge above the bullshit, so they don’t really perceive
the true reality of what the offended is wading in. Oh, and most likely they
have a clothes peg stuck on their noses, so they can’t smell the shit either!
This being the case, they usually say, “if you don’t do this my way, you can
stick down there”,… now that’s really
inhuman (and gross!!) isn’t it?
Refusal
of their terms usually makes the bully feel ‘hurt’, the ego is prodded and they
walk off in a proud huff (this is a mild case) and despite telling the world
that they LOVE whoever they are aggressively pushing into their warped space pod
that promises to get them to the moon in 2 seconds, they are often overheard
spewing and spitting remarks like: “huh,
Let’s see if they will make it on their own!!!!”, or “what’s wrong with that idiot/fool/ refusing
to listen to ME, it’s to their detriment!!” and the worst of all, “let them
fail. I won’t help them!” Pigheaded and refusing to shift from their distorted viewpoint,
they remain standing alone – stubbornly- in the middle of the road when all
traffic has long passed by. - “Sexy
Punda”
No
wonder we as a human race are sardonic about the true meaning of LOVE.
What are
friends for if they can intimidate and prod you into submission? Rather keep my
enemies – at least with them I’m on full time guard. Lower that helmet and you
get shot in the brain by a friend or family. And most of the time the nature of
the one being bullied is usually sweeter and more generous in nature than the
bully. Gosh, why am I stating the obvious??
So, if
you genuinely love them, how do you get someone to do what you want them to do
without practically throwing a brick at them?
Why is
this article so violent?
Lmao.
NYAKIO’S
ADVICE:
Answer
to Question up there: Step off the ledge and wallow in the slimy stuff is one.
If you can’t do that, (yes, it IS gross….) then give them a hand up and talk reasonably
while still on the edge of the ledge. Why not further down the ledge? Because that’s
misleading someone. If you pull them off the ledge and turn and walk away
towards relative security, they will follow you. If you stop abruptly HALFWAY and
turn around, laying out rules, then it will be taken as hostile. But there,
right on the edge, that is a more definitive spot that makes it clear that
‘I’ve pulled you out, now the rest is up to you’. That’s the place where you
hand out your Golden Rule Book.
Note: Don’t push them back if they still
refuse your terms, however irritating they may be.
(And put
the brick down. Better yet, throw it into the slime…)
From the
edge of the ledge, just turn around and walk away and hope + pray for their best. If they drop back into the slimy
stuff, well, then, that’s a whole new (shit) game…
As
Stubborn as a Sheep
I love this
weather in Nairobi, it’s positively freezing… and I usually go for a walk in the
evening before sun down – just as the
wind turns and becomes bitterly cold and chilly. Love it! Love it, love it… so juzi, while I was walking back, give or
take a few minutes before darkness hit, I spotted, ahead of me, a man pulling
at something. Couldn’t quite make out what ‘it’ was, but the man was tugging at
a rope with two hands, his whole body leaning backwards in the effort it took
to pull that rope. Why did the image of a sheep pop into my head? Maybe I heard
the braying before I saw it.. a quarter size of the man, probably weighing
about 45kg, the dumb animal had stiffened it’s legs and refused to budge. Kabisa. I didn’t know whether to laugh
or help. I did neither, because as I walked closer, I saw that the man was not
of a small build, but very stocky. So why couldn’t he pull his sheep? He
weighed thrice tiny me. (2), it was getting darker by the second and he was headed in the opposite direction to LKW*. Nah… I shook my head. I was of no help…
I walked on by, and as I did so, the sheep-puller, shouting
and throwing curses, raised his closed fist in the air and proceeded to wallop
the animal with a …. Sisal rope…
I burst
out laughing. Was he serious? A sheep -
feeling pain?
Hahahahahahaha!!
Two
quick thoughts flew into my head.
A. No
wonder JC called us humans ‘sheep’. Stubborn. Refusing to move. Small and tirelessly
obstinate, people and family are so irritating when it comes to them not seeing
your point of view. Not knowing who the boss is.
B. That
sheep feel no ‘pain’ as we perceive pain. Horses do, dogs do, maybe cows do, (scratch
head)- but Sheep? Covered in a BLANKET of Wool? Hitting with A sisal rope??
Lmao.
Seriously…..
The
third thought was the genesis of this article.
Cabbages
and Carrots
Question:
How do you get a stubborn person into your space-pod? You have extended your
hand, they are out of the slime and are on
the ledge, but not yet inside the confines of your flying shiny space-craft
that will whizz them into a brighter future.
Answer: first by understanding that your concept of pain and aggression is
not shared by them. You see persuasion. They see something entirely different
and will not budge. You will drive yourself into a Sexy Punda catatonic fit by
trying to bully your ___________ to see things your way. You’re not a Slave
Trader, talented with how to flick your wrist and swing a whip, so flogging
anyone into submission shouldn’t flitter through your mind as a viable option.
Plus you
will turn them away, sometimes just emotionally and when they can, 8/10, physically. They move away from you. The
2 that are left are plotting your death.
Lmao.
My final
Question: How would my sheep-puller have gotten the silly sheep to follow him
without him pushing, pulling, prodding , picking up and carrying or thrashing
(both physically and vocally) the poor
animal into moving?
If you
do come up with an honest answer for that, land the answer in the reply box
below.
Note: The answer will speak volumes on behalf
of your Potential to becoming a Non-Bully.
I had
thought ‘incentive’ - the proverbial ‘carrot on a stick’, but because this is a
sheep, maybe a cabbage leaf would
work better….
Using
sheep as a really poor example, would it work for us humans?
Maybe it
will work in your situation…. Dangle an incentive. You love them, or so you
say. So think hard… what type of incentive? Carrots or cabbages?
If this still doesn’t work, then again, walk
away… because people aren’t sheep.
*LKW -
Lord knows where.
NYAKIO MUNYINYI-OKALLO © MAY 2013
for The XpenSieve Report
